Remaining in last week’s setting, Prague in the beautiful Czech Republic, the four remaining teams saw a brand new side of the city: the nocturnal side. Departing under a twilight sky, dating couple and perpetual frontrunners Meghan and Cheyne were instructed to find The Spanish Synagogue, the city’s oldest Jewish house of prayer. Apart from the upcoming Speedbump destined to deter married couple Brian and Ericka, this location served no purpose other than exotic eye candy and a free advertisement for the Czech tourism board. Upon arrival, Megan and Cheyne received another clue, and were diverted towards another destination altogether. This location was the Ekotechnicke Museum, and the location of this week’s Roadblock Challenge.
Paying tribute to existentialist Franz Kafka, a groundbreaking author and Prague native, tonight’s Roadblock could be summed up in one word: Kafkaesque. “Kafkaesque” is one of the most abused and misinterpreted adjectives in the English language. For those not in the know, those who feign being in the know, and those who erroneously believe themselves to be in the know, “Kafkaesque” refers to concepts, situations, and ideas featuring a senseless, disorienting, and/or menacing complexity. Simply, anything with disorienting surreality that forebodes doom. Even more simply, Kafkaesque refers to anything akin to the film Brazil. It’s an amazing word attributed to an amazing man whose legacy has tragically been reduced to ‘that guy who wrote that thing about the bug.’
The Roadblock featured a room crowded with dozens of tables and well over one hundred telephones, all simultaneously ringing. The participating team member was instructed to search amongst all the phones for the five which had another person on the line. If the player finds one of these five amongst the bureaucratic cacophony, they would receive a single letter as a hint. Once all five letters had been acquired, contestants were forced to fill out an elaborate form consisting of dummy questions concerning mundane topics such as height, zip code, shoe size, etc. Once the questionnaire had been filled out and the secret password had been unscrambled correctly from the five given letters (“FRANZ”), a race official would give the contestants their next clue.
Megan and Cheyne’s hefty lead worked to their advantage. Meghan powered her way through the challenge, quickly finding all five phones and unscrambling the password on her second attempt. This all occurred before the second place team, brothers Sam and Dan, even arrived.
On the other end of the spectrum, last place team Brian and Ericka fought equally hard to close the gap. Arriving at the Spanish Synagogue, the married pair found themselves staring squarely at a Speedbump, their punishment challenge for last week’s last place finish. The location of the clue box was again irrelevant as Brian and Ericka were diverted to the M1 Lounge, a neon discotheque where each teammate was required to drink a shot of Absinthe. The extremely potent spirit known colloquially as The Green Fairy can range anywhere between 45 and 74% alcohol by volume, and was banned in the United States until 2007. Despite their typically dry lifestyles, both Brian and Ericka downed the shots without qualms.
Hindered by the Roadblock, Dan struggled to find the five correct phones among the clamoring ringing, so much so that third place team Flight Time and Big Easy were able to catch up. Big Easy and Dan were deadlocked during the final task; the spelling of the word Franz. The final solution was reserved for home audiences alone; neither Dan nor Big Easy repeatedly inquired aloud if the word would be in English or Czech. As each prided themselves on their physical strength over mental acuity, Dan and Big Easy were forced to pool their limited resources: five letters and a plethora of rejected permutations. Dan surprisingly guessed correctly on a fluke, then quickly departed leaving his interim partner behind with only a chiding clue: “It begins with an F. You can figure it out from there.” Mathematically, Dan was correct. Being given the first letter to the final answer, the number of possible solutions dropped from 120 to 24. Psychologically, however, Big Easy was in no shape to form anagrams. It didn’t make Dan any less of a jerk.
Meanwhile, Meghan and Cheyne were so far ahead the episode barely tried to elicit drama or tension from them. The team moved onto the next task: a visit to Kryocentrum, a cryogenic physical therapy destination. Upon arrival, the duo were forced to spend two minutes inside a cryotherapy booth; essentially the opposite of a sauna. Inside, the pair were exposed to temperatures of -180 degrees Celcius (-272 Fahrenheit). Purported to stimulate endorphins, reduce stress and minimize joint and muscle fatigue, the process has been paralleled to ice swimming. Decked out in protective socks and mittens, the pair maintained composure throughout the two minute ordeal, only occasionally spewing an understandable “Oh my God!” The amiable yet iced couple soldiered on towards the next locale: The Charles Bridge.
Back at the Kafkaesque nightmare, Big Easy worked his way through all possible combinations of letters, trying to decide on one before officially submitting it. Meanwhile, Brian, who appeared surprisingly sober in spite of his Roadblock challenge, made his way systematically through the clamoring phone network until he caught up with the still-befuddled basketball star. With drive and energy long since departed from Big Easy, Brian was able to deduce the correct password, launching him and his wife into third place. Driven batty by his own inability, his opponents’ success and the disquieted pandemonium of the ringing phones, Big Easy decided the challenge was not worth the effort. With the reluctant okay of his partner, Team Globetrotter accepted a four-hour penalty rather than to continue the cruel task.
At the Charles Bridge, Meghan and Cheyne discovered this week’s Detour Challenge: Legend or Lager. In Legend, teams were required to construct a Golem, a legendary statue of straw and clay from Jewish folklore, then carry the hefty artifact several city blocks to a waiting rabbi who would reciprocate with the location of this week’s Pit Stop. In Lager, teams were required to carry thirty pint glasses of beer from a local brewery to an awaiting mass of soccer hooligans on the opposite side of the town square, all the while contending with local, bothersome drunkards.
Meghan and Cheyne opted for Legend. The duo were given a wooden skeleton, roughly seven feet in height. Happily surprised, the pair quickly discovered the Golem had built in handles and wheels, making the statue akin to a two-wheeled cart. Quickly covering the wooden frame in clay, the pair set the slimy giant in motion towards the New Old Synagogue, the folkloric home of the original Golem. Sam and Dan, rejuvenated by the cryotherapy session, arrived at the Detour just as Meghan and Cheyne departed. The brothers also opted for Legend.
While Meghan and Cheyne bickered like any duo tasked with moving an awkward, heavy object, Sam and Dan just argued. Meghan and Cheyne politely quarreled over where to hold the statue, how to lift, and where and when to take breaks. Sam and Dan complained at every moment. The normally masculine pair whined like a pair of schoolgirls, each complaining about the other’s performance, how laborious the challenge was, and the unpleasant omnipresence of dirt and mud.
Brian and Ericka, Florida natives who made their feelings about cold weather abundantly clear, begrudgingly completed the cryotherapy challenge. Banking on Brian’s experience as a waiter, the married pair opted for the Lager challenge. Underestimating the weight of filled pint glasses, each was only able to carry eight on a standard serving tray. Misjudging their own motor skills (the Absinthe surely didn’t help) and the bothersome nature of Prague’s drunkards, only seven of these sixteen glasses reached the finish line intact.
Meghan and Cheyne were first to deliver their Golem statue. With an approving nod from the rabbi, the pair were off to the Pit Stop at Strelecky Ostrov, a small island next to the Charles Bridge. The dating duo earned yet another first-place win and a pair of plasma screen TVs. Sam and Dan’s shouting matches resulted in a growing gap between first and second, culminating in the team’s Golem statue tipping over which dislodged the left arm from the main frame. Despite this blatant infraction of the rules, the rabbis still deemed the sculpture adequate, sending Sam and Dan into an undeserved second place.
After several more trips with trays full of dark stout beer, Brian and Ericka eventually delivered all thirty glasses to the extremely patient pub owner, who waited outside his tavern several hours after closing time. Receiving their final clue, Brian and Ericka progressed to the Pit Stop where host Phil Keoghan congratulated the pair on their third-place finish and non-elimination.
Seeming to be simultaneous with Brian and Ericka’s success, Flight Time and Big Easy’s penalty expired, allowing them to continue. However, since all three teams had already completed the entirety of the leg, the Globetrotters were allowed to skip the remaining challenges and advance directly to the Pit Stop. Once there, Phil confirmed their elimination. A loving tribute to Team Globetrotter’s wackiest moments accompanied the team’s departure.
Much can be learned from this episode. First and foremost, never give up on tasks. No matter how seemingly difficult, abandoning endeavors only leads to greater heartbreak. Second, read extensively and try to connect authors with trademark styles and geographic locations. If you are incapable of this, be proficient in word games. Failing this, be good at guessing games. If all else fails, at least remember to never trust reality show competitors with a history of devious behavior. Finally, learn the Hebrew word for “live,” because if you write it on a Golem’s forehead, it will walk on its own. This is an esoteric lesson, perhaps, but if you ever need it, you’ll be glad you know it.
