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Well, it’s that time of year again when school’s going to be out, people will dive into their local pools or if you’re lucky beach, and baseball takes the sports limelight (GO ST. LOUIS GO!!!). But what really makes the summer so special are the mindless explosions, riveting car chases, and occasional psycho clowns who terrorize our cineplexes to provide us a fun escape from just plain regular psychos. It’s time for Atomic Popcorn’s 2009 Summer Movie Preview sponsored by PBar.

MAY

MAY 1

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE

Wolverine gets a third stand alone movie (first time credited) which will detail where he came from and how young James Howlett becomes the killing machine known as “Wolverine”. I see the reason to center around Wolverine and Fox is certainly hoping this will have some Batman Begins/The Dark Knight effect. However, there was really no clamoring for an X4 after Bret Ratner all but killed the franchise. Early buzz is not of the good variety but the pseudo-genius Tim Rothman has decided that this flick needs “secret” endings that will be exclusive to each screening. Yep, I sure smell a true award winner here.

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST

Neo had Renée Zellweger, Tony Stark was paired with Michelle Monaghan, and Wolverine gets double with Jennifer Garner and Lacey Chabert, the latter of whom is the only reason I’ll even step foot in this film. Point is, it’s becoming obligatory for the summer blockbusters to be paired with a movie the girlfriends can venture to while their fellas get their dicks back. Headlining this is Matthew McConaughey as a man haunted by the girlfriends of his past at his brother’s wedding. Pretty sure the ending won’t be haunted by The Ghosts of Romantic Comedies Past though, but it does have the angelic Lacey.

TERRA

Also known as The Battle of Terra, this animation flick from Canadian based Snoot Entertainment has already been making it’s rounds at the festivals and garnering some really positive reviews. It features the voice of Luke Wilson as a space explorer who crash lands on Terra only to find the human race is planning on invading the planet. It also features Danny Glover, Brian Cox, and notably Justin Long and Evan Rachel Wood as the two alien teens who befriend Luke Wilson. Hopefully (and based on reports is) more like Pixar’s work than DreamWorks.

MAY 8

STAR TREK

Trekkies around the universes soiled themselves much like I did with Watchmen when the news of J.J. Abrams Star Trek started making it’s rounds. Was it a reboot? Sequel? Prequel? Apparently it’s all of those things and Trekkies are still in a panic even with the various reports around the interweb that it’s phenomenal. To be fair, this looks more Star Wars than Star Trek which makes me think Abrams misses the point. Yet, that will attract new fans who will want more of this action-packed Trek than the more strategic one of old. If it does get more fans on board, how will they take the less action packed entries? I’m just awaiting some half-witted critic to call the film “better than Wrath of Khan.”

NEXT DAY AIR

The trailer was decent, but the only reason I’m even remotely interested in this is because of Wood Harris who cemented his legacy as Avon Barksdale on “The Wire: The Greatest Television Show That Happened to Humanity”. It actually does have a decent cast including Donald Faison, Mike Epps, Mos Def and the aforementioned Harris even if the plot borrows a wee bit from Pineapple Express. This however looks to be more loud and even slightly more over-the-top. This comes to us from Summit Entertainment, who’s still busy counting their money teenage girl’s parents poisoned them with.

MAY 15

ANGELS & DEMONS

Robert Langdon returns in a race against time versus the Illuminati who threaten a terrorist act against the Vatican and destroy them. The principles are back including Ron Howard and everyone’s favorite to hate screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, who made this a victim of the writer’s strike. I didn’t check out The Da Vinci Code but apparently I didn’t miss much, if anything at all. This entry looks more engaging, thrilling, and should be a better flick. Also, Ewan McGregor headlines a supporting cast that should at the very least make this decent. Wonder if Ron Howard will get an obligatory Oscar for this one.

MAY 22

TERMINATOR SALVATION (5/21)

I love both Terminator films equally (no, that’s not a typo) to the point in third grade I told this girl I’d crushed on I was a T-800 sent through time to kill her. With that said, there’s no other movie I’m scared of more this summer than this one. I’ve been very vocal about the supposed ending and should it come to pass, I’m walking out. The other thing that worries me is McG, who has yet to show me he can make anything remotely decent. But the rumored (yet changed, allegedly) ending is what I’m having trouble with. If I’m making a big deal about it then fine, but it needs to be understood this is going to make or break the film both critically and box-office wise. It might not suck as the trailers make it seem, but we’ll know the truth once that final reel comes up. Oh and PG-13? Fuck that.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN

Ben Stiller is reunited with Owen Wilson and is surrounded by some new faces for this sequel to one of the surprise hits of 2006. Robin Williams comes back as Teddy Roosevelt and Amy Adams continues to cash in her success by playing Amelia Earheart. As a film it could go either way as the first was fairly well-received but nothing spectacular. What I don’t get is the timing for this. It’s going up against one of the biggest films of the summer, then is followed next week by an animated film from a small company called Pixar. Unless this sequel captivates audiences like Dark Knight, this could be a big blunder.

DANCE FLICK

There was a time when the Wayans were loved by everyone when they graced us with Homey D. Clown, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, and The Wrath of Farrakhan. Now, their shtick is tired and unfunny and even with the scarce details, Dance Flick looks no different. The Wayans have turned into that family member who you hope, and want them to do well because of their past, but recently they’ve constantly screwed up so much you can’t expect anything less. And given what it’s opening against, this is most likely going quietly.

MAY 29

UP

Pixar jumps on the 3D bandwagon to give us the story of a man frustrated with life and ties a thousand balloons to his house to go see the mountains of South America. However, he finds he has an unwelcome guest in a boy scout named Russell. Pixar’s track record speaks for itself so there should be no doubt this will at least be good. As big a gimmick as it will become, the 3D has impressed me with this flick so far. None of it has seemed as a “3D Effect” but rather you’re in the experience. All buzz thus far is tremendous but truthfully, I don’t see how they can top WALL*E.

DRAG ME TO HELL

Sam Raimi Returns! Well, at least to the genre he perfected with the Evil Dead films about a loan officer who has to evict an elderly woman who then puts a curse on her. Things start going tits up and Allison Lohman learns the title of this film is going to happen to her. After the dismal Spider-Man 3, Raimi needed to make this film to get his mojo back. This seems to be pure vintage Raimi and might even comment on the housing crisis going on. Maybe once Raimi gets back in our good graces, he can move forward with Spider-Man 4-D.

JUNE

JUNE 5

LAND OF THE LOST

Will Ferrell is 0-1 when it comes to TV adaptations and also working against him are the very few that happen to be good. Rick Marshall is now joined by his assistant (Anna Friel) and a survivalist (Danny McBride) instead of his children as he’s now sucked into a vortex that takes him to an alternate universe where dinosaurs still roam. I’ve never seen the 70′s version but I sure as hell can’t get that 90′s theme out of my head. As a film, this looks comedic, fun, and harmless and it does have the original creators behind it.

JUNE 12

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3

Tony Scott, while not as prestigious as his elder brother, knows how to construct entertainment. He’s very hit or miss, but when paired with Denzel he’s 3 for 3 which makes me believe we’ll get a good flick out of this remake of the 1974 film I hear is tremendous. The trailer was pretty slick (as expected for T. Scott) and I’m digging John Travolta’s digs so far. Even though Denzel Scott is a good hybrid, let’s hope this is more Man on Fire than their 2006 escapade.

MOON

David Bowe’s son Duncan Jones takes his father’s song quite literally to create a story about an astronaut (Sam Rockwell) sends back parcels along with his computer GERTY, of a resource that will help out planet’s power problems. The trailer wow’ed the lot of us and put this on our radar as a must see. Some have panned it, but it remains to be seen if this is going to be considered science fiction gold.

IMAGINE THAT

Eddie Murphy, please go back to doing rated-R films and stand up.

JUNE 19

YEAR ONE

Harold Ramis teams with two comedy stars of today in Jack Black and Michael Cera to take us back to the first year of planet earth. The trailer left much to be desired but this features a solid 80s comedy director (Ramis) and a man who has the comedy world by the palm of his hand (Apatow) so there’s no reason this shouldn’t be bad. Plus, it’s almost a Superbad reunion with Jack Black playing Jonah Hill. If it delivers the laughs, it should be well received and that’s all it’s aiming for.

THE PROPOSAL

Somewhere, someone said “Sandra Bullock quit The Expendables: The Movie to End Cinema to make films no one cares about and they are right. Much like a film released to start the summer, I already see where this one is headed and how it’s going to end but my gripe comes with whatever office Sandra Bullock works for that would deport her. She’s still got her looks even if the age is slowly creeping in and is probably still fun. It does have Ryan Reynolds though so that has some interest, at least. I just wish he’d pick better projects.

JUNE 26

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

As much as I don’t like this decision now, I saw the original Transformers ten times in theaters (once on IMAX) but now have barely watched it since owning the DVD. What captivated me were the visual effects which really set the benchmark and is a true Oscar crime it didn’t win the Oscar for it. Here we’re getting more robot kickassery, goofier robot scenes, and Megan Fox in a white dress. Amidst all this is Michael “Explodo” Bay promising more destruction and shot three scenes specifically in IMAX. I’m wondering if a certain fedora wearing star is going to show up and help his son as they climb up the pyramids looking for artifacts. If anything, should The Matrix make it’s appearance I better hear “YOU GOT THE TOUCH! YOU GOT THE POWER!”

Onto PART TWO