It's been a long night...

Something killed Paranormal Activity. It wasn’t a demon or ghost but something much worse: The blogosphere. I write to you as a fledgling member of the blogging community and as one who is subject to the changing tides of opinion and analysis. I heard about Paranormal Activity the same way I suspect nearly everyone did. I read on the film blogs that this film would be one of the scariest of all time. I watched the trailer with all the night vision shots of people in the audience screaming at sheets blowing, mysterious footsteps marked in powder and chandeliers shaking. Then I did my homework and read up about the film’s 11,000-dollar budget and Steven Spielberg’s input influencing the theatrical ending. I voted on the Eventful page set up to determine which cities would get to see Paranormal Activity first. Once I got wind that one New Jersey theater would be screening the film, I did one final thing: I went to the movies.

Paranormal Activity tells the story of Micah and Katie. They are a normal young couple getting acclimated to their new home. Everything is as normal as can be except for one thing: strange things have been happening to Katie, on and off, since she was a little girl. These strange things are not limited to hearing sounds in the middle of the night and feeling “breathing” on her neck at various times. When things begin shifting around on their own in the dark and strange noises echo in the staircases of their new home, Micah goes out and purchases some professional video equipment to capture it all. Things go from bad to worse when Micah decides to set the camera on a tripod in order to film the couple sleeping. You know the rest and, if you don’t, I’m not going to be the guy who spoils it.

The acting needs to be very believable considering it’s a two-person show throughout the entire film. Micah Sloat and Katie Featherston do a much better job than anticipated. Sloat is very believable as the hard-nosed boyfriend who fights against seeking any outside help. Featherston must dig even deeper into her limited acting arsenal. She pulls off a performance that is both vulnerable and real. Katie’s degeneration is made all the more believable by Featherston’s strong performance. The two play off each other exceptionally well. Sloat even provides some very memorable one-liners. This is the film’s strongest point. The relationship between Micah and Katie is very watchable. I credit director Oren Peli for getting the most out of his performers

The end of Paranormal Activity, while some of it is revealed in the trailer, is very effective. It is, without a doubt, the film’s scariest moment. Many people are up in arms over Steven Spielberg apparently offering some input and getting the original ending changed. I will say that the culmination of the film’s one main theme (the vulnerability of human sleep) is a very worthy addition to the horror canon. There are still 85 minutes of film separating the opening and the aforementioned ending. Those 85 minutes, while partially salvaged by the lead performances, are missing a big something.

Now I could write you a short story about the hundreds of people in line for the midnight show or the random one-liners tossed out throughout the film by a restless audience obviously expecting something more. It’s an easy trap to fall into. The fact remains: Paranormal Activity wants you to talk about the “experience” rather than the “movie” to cover up the fact that you’re seeing a 90-minute, faulty YouTube experiment. The worst part about the entire buzz building around the film is the readily available trailer. The trailer, as cliché as it sounds, literally spoils almost all the scares from the beginning of the film right up to its final moments. The payoffs throughout the film leave a ton to be desired. The sheets move (in the trailer) the shadows on the door (in the trailer) the footprints through the powder (in the trailer) the chandelier shakes (in the trailer). I think you get my point. There are only two scares that I can think of off the top of my head that aren’t presented in the trailer. I just needed to have something more, which, considering the budget handicap, is a lot to ask for. Oren Peli does his best but the film, while it succeeds in being different, wavers in its effectiveness. When all is said and done, it just doesn’t seem worth the inflated price of admission.

The buzz surrounding Paranormal Activity is massive. The film has steamrolled towards a wide release and will undoubtedly make Paramount boatloads of cash. The movie is the feel-good story of a DIY production with a scrappy director and a cast willing to give it their all. I can’t fault the effort, but that’s not the business bloggers are in. Paranormal Activity, while it falters as a film, reminds us just how far we’ve come since that summer ten years ago, when the viral marketing train left the station.

In 2006, I read about a film that was slightly different from anything I’d heard of before. Top directors such as the Coen Brothers, Gus Van Sant and Alfonso Cuaron were all making a series of shorts that would be threaded together into a feature. The short films all center around love in Paris. The film was appropriately titled Paris, je t’aime. Needless to say, the city of Poughkeepsie, where I went to school, was never even on the radar for Paris, je t’aime’s theatrical release. When I watched it on DVD, I was more than disappointed. I don’t know if something got lost in translation or if the short films were just lackluster. Three years later, the same concept has moved to a new city. New York, I Love You showcases the talents of top directors (Mira Nair, Allen Hughes and a surprise directorial effort from Natalie Portman). The subject for all the short films is love in the different boroughs of New York City. The filmmakers had two days each to shoot their respective shorts. This time, the results are a bit more rewarding. New York, I Love You is far from perfect but it is mostly enjoyable.

The different segments of the film all bleed into one another as most are, in some way, related to another. The short films are parts of a whole rather than their own entities. One of the challenges I found most rewarding was figuring out the overlap between stories. The film opens with Justin Bartha and Bradley Cooper (of Hangover fame) awkwardly sharing a taxi. Both characters, despite sharing this scene, would be the focus of their own respective narratives. The film is full of moments like this. Drea De Matteo, a woman grappling with the fallout from a one-night stand in Allen Hughes’ segment, appears in Mr. Riccoli’s drugstore (which plays an integral part in Brett Ratner’s short). The overlaps make the entire film fun and engaging.

The shorts themselves are largely hit or miss. For example, Jiang Wen’s segment about a pickpocket (Hayden Christensen) attempting to woo a beautiful young girl (Rachel Bilson) only to be thwarted by her much older and strangely sinister boyfriend (Andy Garcia) leaves much to be desired. By the time the short finds some traction, its already time to move on. Christensen, as per usual, gives a flat and uninteresting performance. Garcia, even though he’s a veteran, can’t save this segment. On the opposite front, my favorite puzzle piece is actually the Brett Ratner directed story of a boy (a superb Anton Yelchin) dumped and left dateless right before the prom. His pharmacist, Mr. Riccoli (James Caan is genius in the role) lends his handicapped daughter, played by Olivia Thirbly, out for the prom. I won’t give too much away because the twist at the end of the short is brilliant. Seeing Yelchin and Thirbly, who, in my opinion are two very talented and very underrated young actors, sharing screen time is electric. Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively also appears, for a few appropriate seconds, as Yelchin’s ex. The segments either work or they don’t. Given that each is only a few minutes long, there’s not much room for middle ground.

Lets talk about Ethan Hawke. Hawke, the likeable actor and failed novelist, has been largely out of the spotlight for some time. He appears in Yvan Attal’s segment as a womanizing writer who hilariously pursues a high-end call girl (Maggie Q). Hawke, out of all the characters in New York, I Love You, has some of the wittiest and quickest dialogue to work with (Attal also co-wrote the script). Hawke makes the absolute most of the material as it plays to his exact off beat strengths. As he follows the beautiful Maggie Q around, his pickup lines are nothing short of literary and his delivery is spot on. I credit Hawke for bringing the words on the page to life in a performance that will certainly be classified as a comeback. So many times, good dialogue is wasted on poor acting. When good dialogue meets good acting, the results are a joy to behold to say the least. Hawke is one of the best parts of the entire film. Another surprise performance comes from somewhere I least expected it. Shia LaBeouf has rarely gotten to show any acting chops. He has been too busy running away from space robots or chasing down alien heads with Harrison Ford. In LaBeouf’s segment, directed by Shekhar Kapur and written by the late Anthony Minghella, he plays a crippled bellhop at a very ritzy hotel. He shares almost all his screen time with Julie Christie. The two play off each other extraordinarily well. LaBeouf nails a role that not only calls for him to use a believable accent but to also merely hint at the pain his hunched character must endure while carrying suitcases up numerous flights of stairs. Not only does he nail it, but he also holds his own with Julie Christie, who proves why she is nothing short of an icon. Hawke and LaBeouf are two of the film’s pleasant surprises.

I found Joshua Marston’s segement, centering around two senior citizens struggling, on their anniversary, to get back to the place they first met, dragging most of the time. Cloris Leachman and Eli Wallach, who play the seniors, do a fine job but something about the story doesn’t fit. The only purpose it seems to serve is to offer some age-range variety to counteract the many stories centering on young and middle aged characters. I found myself wishing there was more to Shunji Iwai’s short about a composer (Orlando Bloom) and his mysterious over-the-phone muse (Christina Ricci). The premise is promising but, again given that each piece is only given a few minutes, the payoff seems abrupt and unsatisfactory. Bloom, in full on grungy artist mode, is excellent (especially considering he is playing off of a phone rather than another human being). When Ricci finally does show up, the chemistry just isn’t there.

Overall, New York, I Love You is worth checking out. I enjoyed seeing the work of directors I had heard of and some that I hadn’t. The myriad of actors and actresses that are given screen time gives the film a very particular pace that, at times, borders on manic. LaBeouf and Hawke are at their best. New York, I Love You, if for nothing else, is a welcome breath of fresh air in the oft-stale multiplex world.

Rating: ★★½☆☆ 

John Krasinski, dare I say, has a pretty good eye for directing. His debut behind the camera, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, while not perfect, is visually well-crafted. The film is nothing if not dense. There is nary a wasted shot or line throughout the brisk 80-minute run time. In Brief Interviews, Krasinski not only directs but also tackles one of the film’s most pivotal and darkest roles. His artistic choices of late will hopefully keep him out of Jim Halpert typecasting purgatory.

The film’s premise is fairly simple. Sara Quinn (Julianne Nicholson) is smack in the middle of doing her graduate work when her boyfriend Ryan (Krasinski) suddenly leaves her without explanation. She sets off conducting filmed interviews with the various men in her life in an attempt to understand the inner workings of the male species. During the dark and oft-hilarious interviews, Sara begins to understand the swarthy undertones of human interaction. The film cuts back and forth between the interviews and Sara’s daily life. Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, based on the acclaimed novel of same name by David Foster Wallace, is literary to say the least.

Krasinski calls in some favors. The men in Sara’s life are played by a host of actors from across the genre board. Timothy Hutton, Will Arnett, Max Minghella and Lou Taylor Pucci show up in turn to contribute their musings on how men relate to women. The acting, for the most part, is top-notch. Ben Shenkman’s “Subject #14” gives the film’s most outlandish interview as he attempts to justify his “odd” practices in the bedroom. Max Minghella and Lou Taylor Pucci serve as the film’s guides. They show up, in various costumes across various scenes, to offer counterarguments both directly to the audience and to each other. Timothy Hutton, while not outstanding, plays a seasoned university professor well. While it is not easy to stand out amongst such an experienced cast, two actors manage to rise to the occasion.

The first, as you’d imagine, is Julianne Nicholson. The script gives the men in the film some pretty lofty dialogue while Nicholson’s Sara is often left attempting to push feelings across with a brief facial expression or a quick sentence. Nicholson manages to draw out elements of Sara in every nuance, right down to her hairstyle. All this restraint makes her emotional scenes towards the end of the film, when she finally confronts her ex, that much more poignant. The other actor who brings his A-game isn’t really an actor at all. Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service, has three or four scenes that he absolutely knocks out of the park. The interview that his character gives to Sara is unquestionably one of the film’s best. He speaks with a gravitas and emotional authority that is both credible and wrenching. Gibbard’s performance is a pleasant, stand-out surprise.

They say an experienced director of photography often helps an inexperienced director along. Brief Interviews with Hideous Men is no exception. John Bailey more than compensates for what Krasinski lacks in experience. Bailey’s IMDB page seems to go on forever. He has been a DP since the early 1970’s and his work includes Nobody’s Fool and As Good as it Gets. Bailey’s photography on Brief Interviews is masterful. Krasinski, as I mentioned before, has the eye of a much more experienced filmmaker. He and Bailey certainly do justice to David Foster Wallace’s story.

While at Brown studying playwriting, John Krasinski did a staged reading of Wallace’s novel. The performance, as stated by Krasinski himself, is what made him want to be an actor. Krasinski’s Ryan is the film’s final, and darkest, interview. His monologue is heady and difficult to process and understand. What is supposed to be the film’s big reveal (why Ryan left Sara so abruptly) feels like a psychology lecture. The emotional element of one human being hurting another is checked at the door. To believe his explanation to Sara, you have to be convinced that he, like the other men in the film, cannot help but succumb to the same failed human nature. I never believed that because Krasinski, even while delivering some painfully jarring lines, still seems way too nice. His facial expression is nice, his manner is inviting and – maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe the point is that even the nicest guys can still do the worst things. When I examined the final scene, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I think another actor could have done it better. I think another actor, given the nature of the role, could have made it something special whereas Krasinski makes it merely acceptable in context.

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men is certainly not like anything else you’re likely to see in a theater near you. John Krasinski comes into his own as a director and the cast really gets into the material. I credit, again, John Bailey for a fine job photographing this aesthetically pleasing, whole-wheat indie. The film, while demanding of its viewers, is worth a look or at least a saved spot on your queue.

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

I’ve only walked out of two movies in my entire life: Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and, last week, Post Grad. I’ve come close to walking out of others but something or someone always gets me to stay in my seat. I first saw the trailer for Post Grad when I went to see I Love You, Beth Cooper (a movie that took every fiber of my being to sit through). I’ll be honest with you; I am recently out of college and jobless. I don’t know what made me think I could relate to Post Grad, but I knew I’d have to see it. If you read my last article, you know that I am also an absolute sucker for coming of age films. The added advantage that I have is the Optimum Rewards Card. If you have Optimum phone, internet and cable services, they send you this nice blue card that lets you go to the movies, at certain theaters, for free on Tuesdays. I couldn’t lose, right? I would see Post Grad guilt free on what, in my area, has become known as Free Movie Tuesday. I can tell you absolutely and without a doubt that I did, in fact, lose.

First, please heed Melissa Molina’s review warning everyone about the pitfalls of Post Grad.  I knew something was up as soon as I got into the theater. Usually, on Free Movie Tuesday, every movie (regardless of critical consensus) is packed to capacity. The Post Grad theater had about 15 people, including me, in it.

The film is a disaster. I try to never critically annihilate films outright. I try to find one good thing, be it the score or the supporting acting, which is a bright spot on even the worst movies. There is absolutely no redemption to be found with Post Grad. Alexis Bledel, of Gilmore Girls fame, is impossible to root for as Ryden, the jobless post grad. First of all, every time someone in the film said her name, all I could think of was Raiden from Mortal Combat. Her name, meant to be quirky and original, is two letters away from being the thunder god in the video game universe from my childhood. I had to chuckle every time someone in the movie spoke her name. Bledel’s acting alongside her supporting cast simply made me loathe her character. We, the all important viewers, are meant to feel a sympathy for Ryden that, quite simply, is never evoked by anything Bledel puts into her character.

The supporting cast, led by Michael Keaton (as Ryden’s father), is simply terrible. Keaton, for some reason, tries to channel his character from Night Shift. He’s simply too old and too out of practice. Keaton chews up more and more scenery every single time he appears on screen. He is meant to be one of the sources of Ryden’s embarrassment but his shtick, after about 15 minutes of the film’s run time, becomes incredibly annoying. Jane Lynch, who is one of my favorite actresses right now, can’t even use her offbeat charm to save this film from the depths. Her range of talent is all but totally wasted in her role as Ryden’s mother. Ryden’s two love interests in the film: the singer/songwriter contemplating law school (Zach Gilford) and the GQ-model neighbor who happens to make a humble living directing infomercials (Rodrigo Santoro) are both vastly unbelievable. First, Gilford can’t carry a tune. In this new world of complex sound editing and autotune, it’s a wonder how they couldn’t fix his vocals up to be somewhat listenable. Santoro’s scenes play out like a bad soap opera. At one point in the film, he walks off the set of the infomercial he’s directing (this scene features one of the only somewhat funny performances in the film. Thank you Fred Armisen). His dialogue, even when his character is supposed to be emotional, comes across flat as a board.

I think that when the acting is this bad throughout an entire film; one can only fault the director. In this case, the director to blame is Vicky Jenson. Jenson co-directed the first Shrek as well as Shark Tale. Her forays into live action leave much to be desired. How she let Michael Keaton get away with his performance is beyond me. What is even more beyond me is the very real possibility that she instructed Keaton to throw it back to Night Shift. Either way, the results are disastrous. Jenson needed to curb some actors (Bledel and Keaton) and turn others loose (Jane Lynch and JK Simmons). Instead we are left to pick up the pieces of Vicky Jenson’s debacle.

Then it happened. With 15 minutes remaining on the running time, (I know because I must have checked my watch three times a minute) I couldn’t take it anymore.  I stormed out of the theater shaking my head. I exploded through the swinging doors and into the lobby. I must have looked god awful because the theater employee offered me, without me having to say anything, a free pass to go see another movie another time. I respectfully declined. There I was leaning against the lobby wall, spending the next 15 minutes playing Paper Toss rather than completing the movie I had invested the previous 75 minutes in. My night was ruined by Post Grad. That sounds a bit ridiculous and childish but, nonetheless, it’s still true.

Being a teenager is hard work. Growing up, and all the tribulations that come along with it, have been the subject of a great many films. The coming of age movie is tricky and, unfortunately, we recently lost John Hughes, one of the men who perfected the art of holding up a mirror to our growing pains. This month marks the DVD and Blu-ray release of one of the best coming of age films in recent memory: Adventureland. It’s so good that I absolutely refuse to summarize the plot in hopes that you’ll watch it. To be honest, I’ve always had two guilty pleasure genres: horror and coming of age. I appreciate the best (American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused) as well as the worst (I Love You Beth Cooper and any American Pie sequel). In the spirit of things, here are five coming of age films you might have missed and some that you might have seen. Either way, whether it’s Cusack hoisting a boombox over his head or McConaughey waxing poetic about high school girls, growing up will always be prime plot material for some of the movies I love most.

1. Lymelife (2009)
This under the radar indie tells the story of two families breaking apart in 1970s Long Island. The film features one of the best on-screen pairings of the year. Kieran Culkin, as a disenfranchised son recently home from military service, brings his absolute A-game during all the scenes he shares with his disaffected father, played by Alec Baldwin. Kieran’s young brother, Rory Culkin anchors the film. Rory plays a teenager trying to find his way amidst his parent’s very adult problems. Perhaps the finest performance out of the whole lot comes from Emma Roberts. She comes into her own and steals every scene she’s in. Lymelife is a very rewarding indie coming of age drama and I certainly hope it finds its audience when it is released on DVD.

2. The Hollywood Knights (1980)
I will always believe that The Hollywood Knights is extremely under appreciated. The film tells the story of Halloween night, 1965. The Hollywood Knights, a group of rowdy local teenagers led by Tony Danza and Robert Wuhl, are spending their final hours at their favorite drive-in that the town planning board has slated for demolition. The film is surprisingly raunchy but manages to find the perfect blend of slapstick humor and sentimental heart. Look for performances by a very young Fran Drescher and Michelle Pfeiffer. Robert Wuhl is at the top of his game and The Hollywood Knights makes for a excellent coming of age film.

3. Rocket Science (2007)
Rocket Science is another indie gem that seemed to have a very fleeting theatrical release. Reece Thompson plays a stuttering teenager duped into joining the debate team by his diabolical love interest-turned-nemesis, Ginny Ryerson (a brilliant Anna Kendrick). The film manages to find its heart in the very competitive and intense world of high school debate. Thanks to excellent narration by Dan Cashman and young actors showing extraordinary range, Rocket Science is worth a look.

4. Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)
Although not very under the radar and not an indie, Can’t Hardly Wait is hands down one of the best coming of age films of the 1990s. The story is fairly simply: Nerdy guy Preston (Ethan Embry) has been waiting until the last day of high school to declare his love, via letter, to popular Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love Hewitt). The only thing that stands in his way is Amanda’s ex, Mike Dexter (an underrated Peter Facinelli). Thanks to a riotous musical number set to the Guns N’ Roses’ classic “Paradise City,” a clever script and an amazing soundtrack (featuring Blink-182 and Third Eye Blind) Can’t Hardly Wait takes its place as an important coming of age film. I’ll have a love burger, well done.

5. Angus (1995)
Angus is the story of an overweight boy with the misfortune of being named Angus. Charlie Talbert plays the title character and the humiliation he endures (including the jocks running his boxers up the flagpole) makes my high school years seem like a cakewalk. James Van Der Beek plays the menacing jock Rick Sanford but it’s Chris Owen as Angus’ only friend, Troy Wedberg, who really steals the show. Veteren George C. Scott also turns in a memorable performance as Angus’ grandpa. The film revisits the themes of awkward high school dances and chasing your dream girl. Angus rounds out my list of essential coming of age stories.

The coming of age movie will always have a special place in this heart of mine. From The 400 Blows right up to Adventureland, young people will always be growing up in front of the cameras. There’s something about teenage angst and cinema. I guess they just fit together.

Fragments, while it does have fleeting glimmers of hope, is a film that never realizes its full potential. The marketing for the film suggests that it bears some similarity to Paul Haggis’ Academy Award winning film Crash. The similarities are merely superficial. An ensemble cast united by a tragic event is about as close as the two films get. Fragments, while making a few inlays into the festival circuit, never found theatrical release and is only available on DVD. The film is also listed under two titles: Winged Creatures (which is the name of the Roy Freirich novel on which the film is based) and Fragments.

I’d keep this one off your queue

Fragments tells the story of various characters who find themselves in a small town diner as a tragic and random event transpires. A lone gunman, for no specified reason, murders patrons before turning the gun on himself. Dakota Fanning plays the daughter of one of the victims. Forest Whitaker plays a man, recently diagnosed with what appears to be prostate cancer, who barely survives the attack after suffering a non-fatal gunshot wound. Kate Beckinsale is a waitress at the diner and a new mother who has an unhealthy obsession with Guy Pearce’s emergency room doctor. Rounding out the cast is Jennifer Hudson as Whitaker’s down and out daughter and Jackie Earle Haley as the father of a witness to the attack. The film attempts to trace the lives of each character after the event. Neglect, fear, religion and silence are all ways in which the characters deal with the post-attack mental trauma.

Fragments’ woes begin, surprisingly, with its cast. A number of the actors have been nominated for or won Academy Awards yet, in this film; they seem to merely be going through the motions. I was surprised by Forest Whitaker’s flat performance and how irritating and difficult to watch the usually dependable Dakota Fanning becomes throughout the course of the film. There are two exceptions to this mediocrity. The first is Jackie Earle Haley who, might I add, has become one of my favorite actors working today. The 4 or 5 scenes he turns up in are the films best, not just because he seems to be getting into his role, but also because he is acting alongside Josh Hutcherson (Journey to the Center of the Earth and Bridge to Terabithia). Hutcherson plays Jimmy, a young witness to the attack who, rather than talking to a psychiatrist, decides to become mute. The young actor shines in his scenes, even though he has almost no dialogue, alongside Dakota Fanning and Earle Haley. This kid is an actor to certainly keep an eye on, as his stock will hopefully rise with this performance.

Rowan Woods’ directing couldn’t be more textbook. Woods, who made a name for himself directing numerous episodes of Farscape, doesn’t have much experience with feature films. Many shots meant to evoke emotion, including those shots of the empty diner towards the film’s end, simply don’t deliver. Watching the film, I could point out the moments meant to trigger viewer’s emotion, yet I was never drawn in to the story enough to feel anything. The flashback device is done the way you’ve seen it done countless times before in cinema. I question when a director will come along to freshen up this trite and overused cinematic device. The biggest fault I found with Fragments is that the actors other than Dakota Fanning, Kate Beckinsale and Guy Pearce have very few scenes in which to deliver standout performances. In Crash, even those actors without much screen time (Brendan Fraser, William Fichtner and even Tony Danza!) all made the absolute most of their scenes. In Fragments, this is absolutely not the case. Jennifer Hudson and Jeanne Tripplehorn are just two of the supporting actors and actresses whose ability seems wasted. Instead of making the most of their scenes, they overact and their performances fall by the wayside.

Fragments, with a more experienced director and a more motivated cast, could have shown some promise. The premise of the story is interesting and not all of the acting is mediocre or poor. Judging by the fact that I often questioned character motivation and glaring weak spots in the overall plot of the film, I think it’s safe to say that the script needed a bit of an overhaul. Going in to the film, given all the acting talent in the cast, I expected a much different result. Perhaps the biggest letdown is Dakota Fanning. Fanning, in my opinion, is a very talented actress whose ability will really be put to the test with the upcoming 2010 music biopic, The Runaways. In Fragments, Fanning seems, at certain points, like she is just going through the motions and then, on the other extreme, at certain points she seems to be overacting badly.

If you go to the video store late on a Friday night and everything is checked out, I suppose Fragments isn’t the worst choice you can make. However, try not to let your Friday night crumble to that point. If you are using Netflix or Blockbuster Online, I’d keep this one off your queue.

The right car crash can make or break a movie. For this list, I’ve included any type of wreck, whether it is two cars hitting each other or a car hitting a person on foot. As some type of parameter, I tried to exclude any wrecks derived from a lengthy chase scene (The Matrix Reloaded and The Blues Brothers). However, since chase scenes do yield some pretty ridiculous car wrecks, I wasn’t able to keep them off the list completely. I won’t go without stating the obvious: chase scene or not, I just wanted an excuse to watch clips of cars hitting things.)

*Sidebar* I apologize for the wrecks without links to the clips. If you can find a clip posted somewhere on the World Wide Web, let me know! (NickO@atomicpopcorn.net)

10. Knowing (2009)
The world is ending and Diana is tracking down the aliens who have taken her daughter. As she follows the alien’s car, a truck broadsides her out of nowhere. To add to the extreme drama, we only learn Diana is dead when she flat lines on the ambulance’s heart monitor. Is this car crash crucial to the plot? Absolutely not. Is it a good excuse to splatter one of the film’s main characters all over the road? Hell yes.

9. Vanilla Sky (2001)
Cameron Diaz drives off a New York City overpass in an attempt to kill both her and Tom Cruise. For the rest of the movie, Cruise will wear a rubber face and shoot the breeze with Kurt Russell. Boom.

8. Disturbia (2007)
If there’s an absolutely fail proof way to open a movie, its with a hardcore devastating crash. After a day of fishing, Shia LaBeouf and his dad are wrecked out on the highway when an SUV swerves to avoid a stopped car. Just when you think the crash is over and the pair will only sustain some bruises, it only gets worse. (Sorry for the low quality clip).

7. Intersection (1994)
I have no idea what this movie is about. I think Richard Gere, in the midst of one of the most over dramatic car crashes ever filmed, has a life-spanning flashback. Sharon Stone won a Razzie for her performance as Gere’s cold-as-ice ex wife. Add it to your Netflix cue. I promise it won’t disappoint.

6. No Country for Old Men (2007)
If you need any more proof that Anton Chigurh is unstoppable, look no further than this clip. After wasting most of the cast, we’re waiting for the heartless villain to be served a plate of hot justice. A sudden car accident provides some retribution, but not for long. It’s simply the ultimate “you got a bone stickin’ out your arm” moment.

5. Meet Joe Black (1998)
Atomic Popcorn writer RyanBoy insists this doesn’t belong on the list. To tell you the truth, he’s probably right. It’s not a car crash but its pretty damn classic. To defend my choice, I will say that you had fair warning that this list might contain cars hitting people. Enjoy.

4. Death Proof (2007)
Quentin Tarantino may have been behind the weaker half of Grindhouse but this head on collision’s cool factor gives Death Proof legs to stand on. Tires erase faces and limbs go flying in this crash, which, by the way, is shown four times four different ways. The song, the pulling of the headlight knob, it all adds up to a great collision.

3. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
I think people have largely forgotten about this scene from what is one of my favorite horror movies. The werewolf causes a major traffic screw up on the street. Check out the guy that gets launched out of the double decker bus. Enough said.

2. Final Destination 2 (2003)
It was a tough decision to put this at number 2. It is perhaps one of the most carefully orchestrated crashes in cinema history. It plays like a symphony of pain.

1. Adaptation (2002)
This gets the number one spot because it’s chillingly effective without all the bells and whistles. Chris Cooper backs his car out right into an oncoming truck. The sound, the suddenness and the feeling that, although it’s only a movie, it might just be too close to the way it happens in real life, makes this scene my top movie car crash.

A security camera reveals the interior of an empty supermarket. The grainy black and white image is shattered when a grizzly figure wearing a cut off muscle T and a greasy ponytail smashes the lens with the butt of a gun. Four thugs are robbing the supermarket with automatic weapons and they’re taking the cashiers hostage. In all the commotion, the automatic door opens. A pan up reveals leather boots, stonewashed jeans, a tank top, a leather trench coat and then, the mullet. You’ve seen this NFL-sized mullet get drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in 1987. You’ve seen this mullet being dragged into the end zone by Bo Jackson. The bleached blonde mullet belongs to classic NFL bust Brian Bosworth. While the Boz couldn’t get it done on the field, in 1991, he made short work of the supermarket thieves, a gang of bikers, and Lance Hendriksen in his action movie debut, Stone Cold. Bosworth is not a movie star and Stone Cold isn’t exactly a star- making vehicle. The film is simply a tanning oil and adrenaline fueled beat down clad in Zubaz pants. So, after seeing Stone Cold, a question marinated in my brain: What happened to the action movie?

In Stone Cold, Bosworth is a rough and tumble cop sought out by the FBI in hopes that he will go undercover to infiltrate a politician-murdering, drug-dealing biker gang led by Chains and Ice (Lance Hendriksen and William Forsythe). I could go on about the plot but I’ll just say that, by film’s end, a motorcycle has been used as a projectile to blow up a helicopter and Bosworth, before blowing away a key villain, drops the line “Take  a good look at the future, because you’re not in it.” The opening supermarket showdown is one of the best clips available on YouTube (search Stone Cold supermarket fight). If you haven’t already, check out the 90-minute diesel fuel-injected testosterone romp that is Stone Cold.

Every Wednesday, I used to have a small group of friends over my apartment for “Bad Movie Wednesday.” Over the course of two years, we’d watched Sniper 2 and 3, The Condemned, Demolition Man, Under Siege 1 and 2, Judge Dredd, every Missing in Action and Delta Force movie as well as a vast array of so called “bad movies.” The thing is, the films we were watching weren’t bad (well, maybe the Walking Tall movie with Kevin Sorbo). We had digressed to watching not bad movies but, rather, only over the top action movies. I have seen Steven Seagal’s entire catalog and I don’t hate most of it. To be honest, JCVD freaked me out. I don’t want to think of Jean Claude Van Damme as some wash up who has to go along with a bank robbery because he can’t hack it in real life. I want to think about Jean Claude Van Damme punching out snakes in Hard Target. Chuck Norris is more than a Conan O’Brien punchline, he’s Braddock busting down the doors of a courtroom with POWs from Vietnam in tow.

There will always be the straight-to-DVD action movie. They can be found tucked away in the new release section of Blockbuster Video. In one recent straight-to-DVD action movie, Van Damme fights his clone (Replicant). The fact remains, Steven Seagal seems content either being out of shape or being a musician. Chuck Norris is selling fitness equipment and living off residuals from Walker, Texas Ranger. Jean Claude Van Damme, judging by his role in JCVD, may have finally tired of the same action movies with the same scripts. Who then, is left to carry the torch? Jason Statham has sure carved out an action movie name for himself with The Transporter trilogy, Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage. For some reason, there’s something off about these newer action films. They attempt to be as over the top and corny as possible, sometimes to a fault. The ADD-addled haze of Crank is difficult to get through. Watch the making of Rambo: First Blood Part 2. George Cosmatos talks about the process of making the film as if he had crafted Citizen Kane or The Godfather. Here I am, left regretting that I called my weekly gathering “Bad Movie Wednesday.” I did so because, before viewing Stone Cold, I didn’t think much about it. John Rambo is cool because he uses a cross bow and wears a headband. Chuck Norris survived POW camp what seems like 25 times throughout the course of the Braddock trilogy. I didn’t even care that Wesley Snipes was blonde in Demolition Man. Hell; Dennis Rodman could do it, why not Wesley Snipes?

People who fancy themselves “movie people” or “film students” sometimes struggle with admitting their love for Stallone, Seagal, Norris and Van Damme. One of the movies I am looking forward to the most in 2010 is The Expendables because it has the potential to be the definitive action movie. It has vintage action stars (Stallone and Dolph Lundgren), newer action stars (Jason Statham) and pro wrestlers (Steve Austin and Randy Couture). To touch on all aspects of action would take a gigabyte-sized Word document. Stone Cold, with its mixed acting bag, explosions and one-liners, is one of the finest action movies of the bunch. It doesn’t try to be what its not and there’s no shame in laughing at or rewinding it. Stone Cold is uncompromising in a way that would make Brian Bosworth proud, wherever he is now.