Seriously, why in the sweet hell haven’t you been watching “Burn Notice”?

Judging from the fact that it is doing pretty solidly in the ratings (from what I hear) some of you are, you may disregard this article. It’s the rest of you that need to hear what I am about to say. The two-hour season finale of “Burn Notice” is on this Thursday night at 9:00 (pm wiseass) on the USA Network and you need to watch this show. Unless of course you are the kind of nimrod that doesn’t appreciate well-done, gritty action scenes expertly blended with dry wit, an intriguing (and evolving) story line, great looking people and gorgeous scenery. If you are that kind of nimrod then stick to “Gilmore Girls” and “Touched By An Angel*” reruns. If you are a healthy, vibrant, dynamic seeker of action and sex (or just wish you were) then watch “Burn Notice” you won’t be disappointed.

Here’s the gist, Michael Weston (Jeffery Donovan) is a top-notch spy, problem in he’s been “burned.” What this means in the spy world is that someone (unbeknownst to him) told his bosses and the entire global spy community that he is dirty, untrustworthy and an all around liability (he’s not really, he was set up). What this means for Michael is that he is now stranded in Miami with his identity destroyed and his money gone, not to mention the federal government is watching every move he makes. With the help of the only people he can trust: his ex-girlfriend Fiona (the lovely Gabrielle Anwar) a former IRA arms dealer, and his retired CIA buddy Sam (the King of Awesomeness – Bruce Campbell, honestly I could write twenty articles about how much I love this guy) he does everything he can to find the bastard that burned him. They also become an “A-Team” of sorts using their skills to help out people in need every week, usually by blowing stuff up and playing awesome mind games. “Burn Notice” is sort of like MacGuyver meets “The A-Team” meets “Miami Vice” only better than any of those shows.

Donovan does a fantastic job of making Michael a very credible and intelligent bad-ass spy, while remaining human and vulnerable when need be. He can be funny and charming one second, then a scary mofo the next. Of course, sometimes he is a funny, charming, scary mofo all at once. Ms. Anwar does a great job as his trigger happy (and somewhat psychotic) love interest, though it wouldn’t hurt her to up the body fat percentage just a little. Bruce “the MAN” Campbell. That’s really all I need to say. If you know his work you know that sentence says it all. His character of the former spy, now gigolo lush, living off his rich girlfriends may just be the part he was born to play (almost as much as Ash anyway). Sharon Gless (“Cagney and Lacey”) also has a very enjoyable recurring role as Michael’s overbearing mother. Watching this poor guy try to handle life and death situations while his mother hassles him about why he never visits is truly entertaining. If I had to pick one thing that bugged me it was too much of his worthless brother Nate (Seth Peterson). Fortunately he was only on three episodes. Don’t get me wrong, they were still good episodes (and it is no fault of the actor’s), the character just wore thin after a while.

This is the finale week though, so I’ll let you new viewers know that Michael has finally caught up with the son of a bitch that burned him and shit is about to go down. It won’t be pretty, but it will look gorgeous. I won’t get any more into it so you can watch the marathon that I’m sure USA will be showing at some point and still have some surprises.

Remember: “Burn Notice”, Thursday 9/20, 9:00 PM, USA Network

*Is/was that a real show? It kind of feels like I might have made it up. I’m not sure, I’m far to masculine to let something like that hit my radar.