*Sigh*, oh Sam…..what happened? After the misfire known as Spider-Man 3, audiences were wondering what your comeback movie was going to be. Many of us were excited to hear you say that you were returning to the genre that made you great in the first place, Horror. After the fantastic Evil Dead Trilogy, many of us were hoping that you would be able to recreate the same magic that made the Evil Dead Films so awesome. So, you had a talented cast, a unique premise, and some great special effects at your disposal.
So, I must ask again….what happened?
Drag Sam to Hell
Christine Brown is a loan officer at a big named bank. She has a great boyfriend, though his mother is a pain in the ass, and she is in the running to get the assistant managers position at her job, despite the best efforts of the kiss ass new guy. Everything is going great for her, until a seemingly kind Old Woman arrives on the scene. This old, mucus filled lady asks Christine for a third extension on her house. Wanting to make tough decisions every once in a while, Christine declines the third extension and gives her a variety of other places to stay (Grand Daughters, Old Folks Homes), the Old Lady then begins to beg to a creepy degree, practically rubbing her mucus on poor Christine’s dress, causing her to panic and accidentally knocking the woman over. The Old Lady leaves, angrily, and it seems that is that, right? Wrong. Later that night, Christine is ambushed by the old lady, and one rather epic battle in a car later, the Old Bat gives Christine a curse. This curse lasts for three days, until on the fourth day; she is dragged to hell by demons. Will she avoid this curse? Will she get dragged to hell? Will you care by the end of the movie?
This film should have never been called Drag Me To Hell, why? Because it should have been called Loud Noises: The Movie. This film was jam packed with so many cheap jump scares that it was exhausting, and annoying. The film was never scary on it’s own terms, so Raimi had all these jump scares inserted in to make it look like the film was scary. The film barely scratched the realms of scary, if nothing else, it was startling, but not scary.
The film also gets just plain ridiculous in terms of story. Plot elements get introduced, but are severely out of character, and just drag the movie on. There’s this one woman at the beginning of the film who has encountered the curse before, years later, she has the chance to redeem herself and save Christine from the curse, yet she asks for 10,000 dollars to do so. Where does that make sense? Doesn’t the knowledge of redeeming yourself for your past failure more than enough? It just felt like a plot element pulled out of the ass of the Raimi brothers to make the film longer. It could have had been cut all together, and you’d have a much tighter picture. Oh, Spoiler Alert, if you don’t guess the ending the moment a certain thing happens, you need to see more movies. What the film has going for it is the acting. It’s pretty good. Allison Lohman does a good job at the role of Christie, as she makes the character likable, and rootable. Justin Long has the thankless role of being the boyfriend that doesn’t quite believe her, but helps her out anyway, but he does a good job. I also liked the Old Lady, but I forgot her character name and actress name, but she did a good job.
The script however, wasn’t good. Not one of the worst scripts ever, mind you, but certainly not good. The acting rises above the script, but that doesn’t erase the writing problems in the movie. The film was trying to be cheesy, but it was trying too hard at it, making it unnatural and unbelievable. The Evil Dead films were cheesy, sure, but it felt natural and added to the film than having a negative impact. The whole thing felt like a first draft, in need of a revision, badly. With a couple re-writes, the thing would have came together,
However, the biggest problem I had with the movie, was that it didn’t feel enough like traditional Sam Raimi. For a film that’s meant for him to go back to his roots, it felt very constrained and hollywood-ish to me. Only in a few short instances, that Raimi got to shine. A few select scenes involving the old lady, a ghostly attack on Christine midway, and a séance scene, all felt like signature Raimi, but the rest of the film had the feeling of typical Hollywood horror. The score was fantastic, but it belonged in a much better movie.
So, a bad script, terrible pacing, and a piss poor ending, against good acting, a good score, and some neat visuals. Overall? Yeah, if you really want to see this movie, wait till it comes out on dvd around Halloween, and give it a rent, where the speakers are quieter, and you won’t have the feeling of wasting your 10-14 bucks in the movie theater.
Two Strikes Raimi, it ain’t looking too good for you right now.
