We come upon our Gleesters this week in the rehearsal room with Schuester writing the word “Ballad” in green over a dry erase board. He explains that ballads are stories set to music, which makes them the perfect storm of self-expression to communicate feelings people can’t get out any other way. There is apparently a new rule stating each group must perform a ballad for sectionals – do they come up with a new rule each week? — so Will decides to pair the group off and have them practice singing ballads to each other to make them feel their emotions.
Finn gets paired with Kurt and Rachel gets paired with Mr. Schuester. Artie asks Schue to clarify what sorts of songs they will be singing and Rachel jumps in to demonstrate, proclaiming that ‘Endless Love’ is her favorite duet. Will says it’s inappropriate but the kids egg him on. As Will starts to sing it to Rachel, Kurt’s voice over begins saying he could totally sing that song to Finn. Other students, obviously not paying much attention, reveal their thoughts via voiceover as well, and then its Rachel’s turn. She never realized before how good a singer Mr. Schuester is, or how pretty his eyes and teeth are.
The kids whip out their cell phones and hold them overhead like lighters as Schue starts to realize that he really really shouldn’t have sung this song to Rachel. Apparently, he knows this look.
At Quinn’s home she is trying on her dress for the chastity ball but it doesn’t fit. She tells her mom its because she ate a really big lunch at school. Tacos. Quinn’s dad says to invite Finn for Sunday night dinner.
Rachel goes to Mr. Schuester with a present, a blue tie with gold stars. Will tells Emma that it is happening, “again.” She isn’t surprised, and is slightly distracted by her window washing, so she tells him he is the number one crushworthy teacher at the school. He ignores her and goes on to tell her about Suzie Pepper, the first girl who had a major crush on him at the school. Apparently it all started when she gave him a necktie but soon she was calling his house late at night and other stalker things. He told her straight out how it was and she ended up eating the world’s hottest pepper she had bought online that was so acidic it burnt her insides and she had to go to the hospital.
Emma suggests he takes his own advice and sings to Rachel how he feels so that he will let her down gently. Quickly.
Kurt tells Finn to sing everything he feels to him, but Finn says he can’t sing to a guy and that he is sick and tired of people pushing him to be somebody he is not. Kurt tells him that girls are his problem. Finn says that it is the baby, and all the things he’ll never be able to say to his daughter like how he’s going to spend his whole life loving her and she’ll never even know. Kurt tells him to sing “I’ll stand by you,” to the baby to sing out his emotions.
Kurt mutters under his breath about never missing a piano lesson and sits down to play the song. Finn takes the stage front and center, and in full lighting, starts to sing. This is intercut with him singing to a sonogram of the baby on his laptop in his room. A chorus of singers joins him briefly and then the song ends with him lying on his bed with the laptop. His mother comes up behind him. “Were you just singing to a sonogram?” Finn breaks down crying in his mother’s lap.
Back from the commercial break Quinn is interrogating Finn in the hallways of the school about telling his mother about the baby. Kurt goes up to him after she storms out and Finn thanks him for helping him feel better by singing to the baby. As he walks away Kurt’s inner monologue takes over confiding in us that he has been in love with Finn since the first time he saw him.
In Mr. Schuster’s class Finn is cheating off Brittany, the girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows, and Will is reading from a music book entitled ‘Jazz Hands’. Kurt continues to say he doesn’t know why it doesn’t matter that he is so dumb, referring here to Finn, not Mr. Schue, but he guesses that’s love. Also, that helping Finn with Quinn is part of his endgame, because no matter what, he is confident she will break Finn’s heart and have him crying into Kurt’s shoulder pads.
Will brings a medley of songs to share with Rachel to tell her that he has no interest in her and Emma comes along for emotional support. It’s a mashup of ‘Young Girl’ and ‘Don’t stand so close to me.’ Will really tries to get his point across, but Rachel, and Emma for that matter, is so taken with his performance that she takes away something else, that she is very young and its hard for him to stand close to her.
Kurt is in Finn’s basement with him looking through old trunks of his father’s stuff to find something to wear to the Fabray’s dinner. The two bond over their lost parents. Finn continues to visibly choose to ignore any time Kurt may be standing too close to him. Finn says his father was brave enough to charge into some enemy desert and he can’t even go to Dudley Road to tell the Fabrays the truth. Kurt suggests he go with a weapon — not a gun as Finn first thinks, but another song to show his feelings.
Will goes home and the creepy glee doos start. He starts to relax on the couch when someone hands him a beer, it’s Rachel, GASP, who tells him that the casserole is almost ready, DOUBLE GASP! Turns out Terry invited her in and set her about doing chores. Of course Will is upset and tells her she can’t turn Rachel into a slave because she has an irrational fear of him leaving her and decides to drive Rachel home.
In the car Will makes Rachel sit in the back. She tries to put on a new ballad to sing to him, “Crush” but he turns it off. He asks her about her relationship with Puck, she says she broke it off because she has her sights set much higher.
Back in the halls of William McKinley High School Suzie Pepper warns Rachel to stay away from Schuester because she will get hurt. Now this is a rational thing to say but with all Suzie’s heavy breathing and snarls it seems like a threat. As it likes to do the camera lingers in the halls after the two leave and waits for the next Gleester to show up. This time is it Mercedes, and we follow her as she makes her way to rehearse with Puck.
Mercedes tells him how everyone is so worried about Quinn and Finn that no one can focus on their own emotions for the ballads, so they are all going to get together to sing a song for them. Puck breaks with frustration and tells her that he is the real baby daddy. The creepy doos start back in again as Mercedes processes this information overload. She tells Puck to back off because even though he is the daddy, Quinn picked Finn to be the father and he owes her to not mess up her life anymore than he already has.
At the Fabrays’ everyone is enjoying a ham dinner. Quinn’s father breaks in with a toast about how proud he is of his “tight-knit family.” As he continues on about Quinn as captain of the cheerios and president of the celibacy club, Finn starts to drown him out. He gets panicked and asks to be excused to the bathroom where he frantically dials Kurt.
Kurt urges him to remember the power of the ballad, but Finn cuts him off. “I have to go they’ll think I’m pooping.” He psyches himself up before leaving by karate chopping his reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Finn strolls into the Fabray dinning room with a boom box. He tells them all about the assignment for glee club and how they have to sing about things they can’t find any other way to say. Quinn tries to stop him but he goes on to sing “Having my baby” by Paul Anka. It takes Quinn to the refrain to stop scowling and start smiling. It takes her father just about as long to realize what’s going on.
Quinn’s father shuts off the music and stands up to face Finn, which looks ridiculous because Finn is easily a foot taller than Quinn’s father – and he is not a short man.
Quinn’s mother says that there must be some sort of mistake and Finn is all over that bandwagon, “ We didn’t even have sex!” – but Mrs. Fabray says to stop all the lying. Poor Finn. Mr. Fabray gives some speech about when Quinn was a little girl and in the end tells both of them to leave.
Finn goes to his mother with Quinn and she tells Quinn that she can stay as long as she wants.
In the school bathroom Pepper has a talk with Rachel about why she is crushing on Mr. Schuester, it’s because he will never reciprocate her feelings, which only reinforces her thoughts that she is unworthy of being loved. Rachel knows it’s the truth.
In the rehearsal room Rachel is waiting for Will with a bunch of flowers, she says she has a new ballad that she is anxious for him to hear. Will cuts her off saying he is sorry but he is only ever going to be her teacher. Rachel turns around the flowers showing they say that she is sorry for acting so crazy and her new ballad was going to say the same thing. Then they have a heart-to-heart and blow off the rest of rehearsal.
Backstage Kurt and Finn have their own heart to heart. Kurt apologizes for his plan but Finn is thankful, no more secrets. Kurt agrees that that is best. Finn asks if he needs any help on his ballad and Kurt says “I honestly love you.” Finn again ignores the truth and admits he doesn’t know that song but it sounds awesome.
Mercedes then comes to get them and bring Finn to the choir room with Quinn for a surprise song. The group sings “Lean on Me.” Even Puck joins in a fun little dance. By the end everyone is smiling and singing together.
And that’s what you missed on GLEE.
