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Monday Rewind is on hiatus today. Sure, I could tell you that Larry Crowne got his ass handed to him by Transformers, Cars 2 and Bad Teacher this weekend, barely getting one over on Monte Carlo. But that’s just depressing.  (Why the hatin’ on Larry?  Look up “character based story”, people.  Then get back to me.)   Instead?  Since it’s one of my favorite holidays — the day when you can blow up stuff and be called a True American — I’ve decided to whip out a top ten list.  This is a list of all things good, fine and true, movies that you can point to and say yep, that right there?  America.  Speaking of whipping things out, let’s get started:

10)  Blazing Saddles: More schnitzengruben?  Yes, please!  If you haven’t seen this movie yet, unhook yourself from your internet IV and watch it Right Now.  Don’t worry, I’ll wait right here.  This Mel Brooks satire of the beloved cowboy genre gets everything right.  From the rampant but undercover racism that made the West what it is today (full of people that aren’t Native American) to the no-holds-barred final scenes that bust through the fourth wall and into the French Mistake (“Watch.  Me….” Let’s just say for this scene alone, Dom Deluise is God in my eyes.)  This is one of the most quoted movies that ain’t Star Wars or Monty Python, and it’s all American.  God bless us, every one.

9) Dave:  Which proves to the world that in America, if you stop being a jerk, people start to wonder what the hell is going on.  Basically a revamped Prince and the Pauper tale, a beloved but less-than-successful guy who happens to look like the jerkwad President gets tapped to step in when said jerkwad lapses into a coma.  Need I say that the plain-old Joe does a better job?  Or that he nabs the First Lady?  Didn’t think so.  Adorable, and lots of fun.

8 ) The Best Years of our Lives: Coming back home from war is a bee-yotch.  Or so I’ve been told.  But lest you think that we’ve gotten weak since Vietnam, this movie shows us that even The Greatest Generation had it rough.  Coming back as heroes ain’t no picnic, not after what those soldiers had been through.  Bonus points for casting WWII hero Harold Russell — a man that lost both of his hands in the war — as a man who had to not only come to terms with his disability, but come to terms with how others now viewed him.  A classic movie that earns every good thing that’s ever been said about it.

7) Mr. Smith goes to Washington: Before America got into WWI, before Clarence got his wings, this movie showed us all that Jimmy Steward was a force to be reckoned with.  His fillibuster is amazing, and it makes me wish that they still allowed that sort of thing.  In Jefferson Smith, the smalltown guy that tries his best to do the right thing against the colossal machine that is Capitol Hill, we see ourselves.  Okay, we see how we’d all like to be, if we only had the guts.

6) Johnny Tremain: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  How can I possibly rank a Disney movie ahead of two of the most beloved movies about America?  Well, because it’s my list, and because it’s a Fourth of July list, so it gets points for things that go boom.  This once was a staple of elementary school history class (I must have seen it at least 5 times, god bless the American school system!)  It looks at the Revolutionary War through the eyes of a young man that doesn’t seem to be able to do much, but ends up proving everyone wrong.  Points for the underdog factor, and for the absolutely shameless heartstring pulling, a requirement for all true patriotic films.

5) 1776: Wonder where Gwyneth Paltrow got her pipes?  Look no further.  Gwyneth’s mom Blythe Danner, as Martha Jefferson, Thomas’ beautiful and vibrant young wife, sings “He Plays the Violin” and steals the audience away ‘til it’s done.  Hey, where else are you gonna hear The White Shadow belt one out?  Shockingly, this movie is not only a successful adaptation of a Broadway hit musical, but it’s chock full of actual historical stuff.  This is the movie to put on for your friends who hates to learn anything.  You can’t help but be drawn in by this movie, and out of nowhere that stick-in-the-mud friend who thinks Paul Revere warned the British is a little bit wiser.  It could happen.

4) M.A.S.H.: This film does for war movies what Blazing Saddles did for westerns, but with a much lighter touch.  The distrust of authority and blatant disregard for decorum?  Absolutely 100% A-murrrr-ican.  I feel sorry for the poor bastards that signed up for duty with a hospital unit in the mistaken believe that this is what really went on.  Still, it’s a great look at how America shifted gears thanks to Vietnam.  Or, rather, thanks to the powers-that-be screwing things up.  Potato, potatoe.

3) Born on the Fourth of July: Oliver Stone’s unflinching look at how the Vietnam War took it’s toll on the soldiers that fought over there, could easily be seen as the sequel to Platoon.  But it stands up on it’s own, not only because it’s built around the true story of Ron Kovic, but because it’s a powerful film in it’s own right.  And America loves a comeback story, so this tale of a young man who has everything to live for and then has to start all over again is an emotional fist-pumper.  Which brings me to….

2) Red Dawn: “Wolverines!”  If that doesn’t get your fist in the air, well…you didn’t grow up in the 80’s.  Ah, the 80’s; we hated The Commies, loved power ballads and feared packing up and hitting the highway to avoid WWIII.  And it’s all here in this film!  But don’t worry, a group of kids has our back.  This is the Brat Pack on full auto, before tiger blood and Dancing With The Stars.  Ask anyone who has seen this movie, it’s a makes-ya-proud kinda film.  Plus, it’s easy to follow, a big plus if you’re putting this on after a full day of drinking in this insane heat while watching things go boom.

1) Independence Day:  What?  It’s all about the title, baby.  Who cares if this movie figures that alien life is IBM compatible?  Yes, the story has holes you can drive an alien spacecraft through.  Michael Bay brings it, and it is ON.  If you see Will Smith — king of the July 4th weekend — punch an alien in the face and don’t get the least little bit pumped, you are dead inside.  Though my favorite is Randy Quaid’s wacked-out cropduster that just knows he was a victim of alien abduction.  When he volunteers to help America put the smackdown on those creepy aliens and he tells everyone he wants to do this because he was abducted and wants a little payback?  OMG, if that isn’t America in a nutshell (the good, the bad and the just plain ol’ Jerry Springer), it’s sure damn close.

Now go forth and grill, drink, stay out in the sun too long and watch professionals really blow some $%^#* up.  It’s the American way!  If you need a break to grab some a/c?  Well, these movies’ll be here for you.  God Bless Amurrrica.