The Last House on the Left is bad. Not bad in a “so bad it’s good” way. Not bad in a “wow that really sucks” way either, although it’s absolutely atrocious. This film is just a bad piece of filmmaking all around. The filmmakers didn’t even try to hide the fact they were making a movie on the cheap and it truly shows. Not assisting them is the cast, almost all of whom seem to wish they were somewhere else.
A remake of executive producer Wes Craven’s earlier film, Last House on the Left opens with Krug (Garret Dillahunt) being rescued by his team of misfits (Riki Lindhome and Aaron Paul) from the clutches of two detectives, who the trio murders. We’re then introduced via piss-poor editing to Mari Collingwood (Sara Paxton) who begs her parents, played by Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn, for permission to visit her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac) at work. Reluctantly, the mother agrees to let her daughter go. While at work, the girls run into a kid named Justin (Spencer Treat Clark) who wants to buy cigarettes and promises he can get them really high. One trip, ten puffs, and a poorly shot and edited scene later, Krug and the band of misfits burst in on Krug’s son Justin and the girls. They’re kidnapped, brought to the woods, Paige is killed and Mari is brutally raped. She tries to flee but is shot and a convenient rainstorm detours the group. The murderers and Justin can only go one place: the last house on the left, where Mari’s parents and revenge await.
There are shots in here that I quite honestly couldn’t understand why any experienced cinematographer or director of photography would put on film. For instance, why is your camera centered on the chest of the characters when you’re smashing a wine bottle into someone’s head? When characters run, the camera bounces up and down so much it goes beyond the point of shaky cam to just plain bad filmmaking. Worse, shots appear when they have no point. Yes, the film is about THE last house but that doesn’t mean fifty shots of the house need to be intercut with the fate of one of the characters.
If the Razzies decide to add Worst Editing to their categories, they almost certainly have to award it to this film. When we’re being introduced to the Collingwoods, we see Mari’s mother Emma walking to her daughter, then, with no transition, she’s standing in a hospital waiting for her husband. Yes, films cut from place to place but normally there’s cohesion and storytelling taking place. Here, we’re just flung from one place to another with no explanation. It should be noted that the only places where the editor tries to make a coherent scene are the kills – but this is really no surprise, given the film’s subject matter. It’s sad to think the trailer was cut together better than the film it shilled.
Acting is never a staple of ‘revenge’ or ‘horror’ films but it’d be tough to find a cast that ever appeared so bored. Sara Paxton plays almost all of her scenes with a “what the hell am I doing here?” type of vibe. The only scene she shows any emotion in is when she’s being brutally raped (weird, eh?) She’s supposed to be shivering and hurting, instead she’s like, “Oh no, I’ve been raped and wounded. How awful.” Monica Potter doesn’t compliment her by being just as boring and uncaring. Where she should be getting at her daughter for not spending a night with the family, she nonchalantly watches as her husband hands Mari one-hundred dollars for a night on the town. No one is expecting an acting school to be put on here but no one seems to be even trying to put on a decent performance. The only character remotely interesting is Spencer Treat Clark’s Justin, and that’s due to the fact he at least has one and a half dimensions of development. It’s stereotypical, the whole “reluctant son” ordeal, but when everyone else is completely devoid of development or personality, you lack options.
Of course, this being a revenge picture and all, there have to be murders and this one doesn’t disappoint – for numbers at least. Where it fails is lack of buildup to the fatal moment. There’s no real sense of suspense in the parents’ mission of revenge for what these three did to their daughter (I would say her friend as well, but the movie never bothers to pass the word of her fate on to the parents, like she’s just an afterthought.) The kills do happen and they’re pretty generic. They’ll please a crowd for blood, but only the last one stretches any creative muscle.
The Last House on the Left is just a poorly made, poorly scripted and poorly acted attempt at remaking a film. It’s a neat concept and although it was executed pretty decently at first, it appears no one (even Craven himself) tried to make it a neat little film. Instead they give us an ultra cheap horror remake without any creativity or entertainment. The characters lack personality, the direction is horrid, the editing is nonexistent, and there’s no original thought (save for the last kill) in the movie. If you have a choice to go to The Last House on the Left, turn right.
Rating: 
