I’ve only walked out of two movies in my entire life: Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and, last week, Post Grad. I’ve come close to walking out of others but something or someone always gets me to stay in my seat. I first saw the trailer for Post Grad when I went to see I Love You, Beth Cooper (a movie that took every fiber of my being to sit through). I’ll be honest with you; I am recently out of college and jobless. I don’t know what made me think I could relate to Post Grad, but I knew I’d have to see it. If you read my last article, you know that I am also an absolute sucker for coming of age films. The added advantage that I have is the Optimum Rewards Card. If you have Optimum phone, internet and cable services, they send you this nice blue card that lets you go to the movies, at certain theaters, for free on Tuesdays. I couldn’t lose, right? I would see Post Grad guilt free on what, in my area, has become known as Free Movie Tuesday. I can tell you absolutely and without a doubt that I did, in fact, lose.
First, please heed Melissa Molina’s review warning everyone about the pitfalls of Post Grad. I knew something was up as soon as I got into the theater. Usually, on Free Movie Tuesday, every movie (regardless of critical consensus) is packed to capacity. The Post Grad theater had about 15 people, including me, in it.
The film is a disaster. I try to never critically annihilate films outright. I try to find one good thing, be it the score or the supporting acting, which is a bright spot on even the worst movies. There is absolutely no redemption to be found with Post Grad. Alexis Bledel, of Gilmore Girls fame, is impossible to root for as Ryden, the jobless post grad. First of all, every time someone in the film said her name, all I could think of was Raiden from Mortal Combat. Her name, meant to be quirky and original, is two letters away from being the thunder god in the video game universe from my childhood. I had to chuckle every time someone in the movie spoke her name. Bledel’s acting alongside her supporting cast simply made me loathe her character. We, the all important viewers, are meant to feel a sympathy for Ryden that, quite simply, is never evoked by anything Bledel puts into her character.
The supporting cast, led by Michael Keaton (as Ryden’s father), is simply terrible. Keaton, for some reason, tries to channel his character from Night Shift. He’s simply too old and too out of practice. Keaton chews up more and more scenery every single time he appears on screen. He is meant to be one of the sources of Ryden’s embarrassment but his shtick, after about 15 minutes of the film’s run time, becomes incredibly annoying. Jane Lynch, who is one of my favorite actresses right now, can’t even use her offbeat charm to save this film from the depths. Her range of talent is all but totally wasted in her role as Ryden’s mother. Ryden’s two love interests in the film: the singer/songwriter contemplating law school (Zach Gilford) and the GQ-model neighbor who happens to make a humble living directing infomercials (Rodrigo Santoro) are both vastly unbelievable. First, Gilford can’t carry a tune. In this new world of complex sound editing and autotune, it’s a wonder how they couldn’t fix his vocals up to be somewhat listenable. Santoro’s scenes play out like a bad soap opera. At one point in the film, he walks off the set of the infomercial he’s directing (this scene features one of the only somewhat funny performances in the film. Thank you Fred Armisen). His dialogue, even when his character is supposed to be emotional, comes across flat as a board.
I think that when the acting is this bad throughout an entire film; one can only fault the director. In this case, the director to blame is Vicky Jenson. Jenson co-directed the first Shrek as well as Shark Tale. Her forays into live action leave much to be desired. How she let Michael Keaton get away with his performance is beyond me. What is even more beyond me is the very real possibility that she instructed Keaton to throw it back to Night Shift. Either way, the results are disastrous. Jenson needed to curb some actors (Bledel and Keaton) and turn others loose (Jane Lynch and JK Simmons). Instead we are left to pick up the pieces of Vicky Jenson’s debacle.
Then it happened. With 15 minutes remaining on the running time, (I know because I must have checked my watch three times a minute) I couldn’t take it anymore. I stormed out of the theater shaking my head. I exploded through the swinging doors and into the lobby. I must have looked god awful because the theater employee offered me, without me having to say anything, a free pass to go see another movie another time. I respectfully declined. There I was leaning against the lobby wall, spending the next 15 minutes playing Paper Toss rather than completing the movie I had invested the previous 75 minutes in. My night was ruined by Post Grad. That sounds a bit ridiculous and childish but, nonetheless, it’s still true.
