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A security camera reveals the interior of an empty supermarket. The grainy black and white image is shattered when a grizzly figure wearing a cut off muscle T and a greasy ponytail smashes the lens with the butt of a gun. Four thugs are robbing the supermarket with automatic weapons and they’re taking the cashiers hostage. In all the commotion, the automatic door opens. A pan up reveals leather boots, stonewashed jeans, a tank top, a leather trench coat and then, the mullet. You’ve seen this NFL-sized mullet get drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in 1987. You’ve seen this mullet being dragged into the end zone by Bo Jackson. The bleached blonde mullet belongs to classic NFL bust Brian Bosworth. While the Boz couldn’t get it done on the field, in 1991, he made short work of the supermarket thieves, a gang of bikers, and Lance Hendriksen in his action movie debut, Stone Cold. Bosworth is not a movie star and Stone Cold isn’t exactly a star- making vehicle. The film is simply a tanning oil and adrenaline fueled beat down clad in Zubaz pants. So, after seeing Stone Cold, a question marinated in my brain: What happened to the action movie?

In Stone Cold, Bosworth is a rough and tumble cop sought out by the FBI in hopes that he will go undercover to infiltrate a politician-murdering, drug-dealing biker gang led by Chains and Ice (Lance Hendriksen and William Forsythe). I could go on about the plot but I’ll just say that, by film’s end, a motorcycle has been used as a projectile to blow up a helicopter and Bosworth, before blowing away a key villain, drops the line “Take  a good look at the future, because you’re not in it.” The opening supermarket showdown is one of the best clips available on YouTube (search Stone Cold supermarket fight). If you haven’t already, check out the 90-minute diesel fuel-injected testosterone romp that is Stone Cold.

Every Wednesday, I used to have a small group of friends over my apartment for “Bad Movie Wednesday.” Over the course of two years, we’d watched Sniper 2 and 3, The Condemned, Demolition Man, Under Siege 1 and 2, Judge Dredd, every Missing in Action and Delta Force movie as well as a vast array of so called “bad movies.” The thing is, the films we were watching weren’t bad (well, maybe the Walking Tall movie with Kevin Sorbo). We had digressed to watching not bad movies but, rather, only over the top action movies. I have seen Steven Seagal’s entire catalog and I don’t hate most of it. To be honest, JCVD freaked me out. I don’t want to think of Jean Claude Van Damme as some wash up who has to go along with a bank robbery because he can’t hack it in real life. I want to think about Jean Claude Van Damme punching out snakes in Hard Target. Chuck Norris is more than a Conan O’Brien punchline, he’s Braddock busting down the doors of a courtroom with POWs from Vietnam in tow.

There will always be the straight-to-DVD action movie. They can be found tucked away in the new release section of Blockbuster Video. In one recent straight-to-DVD action movie, Van Damme fights his clone (Replicant). The fact remains, Steven Seagal seems content either being out of shape or being a musician. Chuck Norris is selling fitness equipment and living off residuals from Walker, Texas Ranger. Jean Claude Van Damme, judging by his role in JCVD, may have finally tired of the same action movies with the same scripts. Who then, is left to carry the torch? Jason Statham has sure carved out an action movie name for himself with The Transporter trilogy, Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage. For some reason, there’s something off about these newer action films. They attempt to be as over the top and corny as possible, sometimes to a fault. The ADD-addled haze of Crank is difficult to get through. Watch the making of Rambo: First Blood Part 2. George Cosmatos talks about the process of making the film as if he had crafted Citizen Kane or The Godfather. Here I am, left regretting that I called my weekly gathering “Bad Movie Wednesday.” I did so because, before viewing Stone Cold, I didn’t think much about it. John Rambo is cool because he uses a cross bow and wears a headband. Chuck Norris survived POW camp what seems like 25 times throughout the course of the Braddock trilogy. I didn’t even care that Wesley Snipes was blonde in Demolition Man. Hell; Dennis Rodman could do it, why not Wesley Snipes?

People who fancy themselves “movie people” or “film students” sometimes struggle with admitting their love for Stallone, Seagal, Norris and Van Damme. One of the movies I am looking forward to the most in 2010 is The Expendables because it has the potential to be the definitive action movie. It has vintage action stars (Stallone and Dolph Lundgren), newer action stars (Jason Statham) and pro wrestlers (Steve Austin and Randy Couture). To touch on all aspects of action would take a gigabyte-sized Word document. Stone Cold, with its mixed acting bag, explosions and one-liners, is one of the finest action movies of the bunch. It doesn’t try to be what its not and there’s no shame in laughing at or rewinding it. Stone Cold is uncompromising in a way that would make Brian Bosworth proud, wherever he is now.