Guy gets girl.  Guy loses girl because he’s a zookeeper.  Animals decide to help a brother out.  How many times have we seen that story?  Only this once, thank goodness.  Zookeeper suffers from a serious case of Shot-It’s-Wad-itis; all of the good stuff is in the trailer.  That’s right, everything worth seeing?  You’ve seen already.  The rest is yawn-worthy at best, complete garbage at it’s lowest point.  And there are a whole lotta lows.

Here’s where I tell y’all more of the plot.  But since there isn’t anything more than a tag-line, let’s just get to what makes me want to cry.  It’s sad that Kevin James put so much out there on this film.  He’s trying his best to charm you here, but the movie ain’t worth his effort.  The animals are cute, that’s true.  But the interaction with James’ Griffin the zookeeper flip-flops from adult “wink wink, knowwhatImean” chitchat to pee jokes.  Add this movie to the pile of films that try to shoot for the middle ground and end up entertaining nobody.

The supporting human characters are cardboard cutouts, so much so that I didn’t bother to register names.  There’s Griffin’s love interest, The Girl.  Griffin’s co-workers, The Creepy Guy, The Douche and The Nice Woman Who Is Better Than The Girl.  And let’s not forget The Guy That May Be Griffin’s Brother But Is So Underwritten Who Knows.  Yawn.  The animal characters have great potential, seeing as how they’re voiced by Adam Sandler, Cher, Maya Rudolph Judd Apatow, Sylvester Stallone and friggin’ Nick Nolte for crying out loud.  But in a movie where the end all, be all is talking animals?  They don’t get enough to do.  Considering director Frank Coraci helmed The Wedding Singer and The Waterboy and this picture is produced by Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions, I expected more.  Hell, I’d expect more from the kids in Super 8.  Their version of this movie I probably would have enjoyed.

Stephanie — The Girl — is played by the criminally underused Leslie Bibb; can someone get her a decent movie or tv series?  (Yes, I’m still bitter that Popular was cancelled.)  Her character is so one-note that it’d be hard for Meryl Streep to flesh her out.  And even so, with such a bland, vapid moneywhore, who even cares?  And why, oh why, was Griffin so enamored by this witch?  Wait, did he get hired for his job thanks to “Hire An Idiot Day” or something?  And speaking of actors who deserve better, Rosario Dawson plays “The Nice Woman” Kate, and she lights up the screen every time she’s on.  But that sparkle only shoves the flaws in this movie out into the light.  She’s in the only scene in this movie that’s worth watching, the wedding reception scene where Kate bonds with Griffin as they swing on aerialist silks.  It’s a glimpse of what the movie could have been, if the powers-that-be hadn’t wanted to pander to the lowest common denominator.

But the thing that chaps me the most is the completely incomprehensible storyline.  You can’t tell me that a keeper, someone who has to have a background in science in order to snag the job, could be stupid enough to pull some of the idiotic crap Griffin does.  Animals giving a zookeeper advice on love based on what they do in the wild is a great idea for a story.  But you’ve got to give it some spark of believability…and we’re given Griffin weeing into potted plants during a wedding reception.  Huh?  Maybe there is something to the “Hire An Idiot Day” thing after all.   Yes, this is a comedy.  But there’s funny and then there’s…well, as Red from That 70′s Show would put it, there’s being a dumbass.  Kevin James gives his all to flesh out his character, and Griffin is a sweetheart.  But it ain’t enough, not nearly enough, to save this movie.

What worries me is that the kids who head to this movie will believe that wild animals are just sitting at zoos, waiting to be their besties if only they’d get close enough to chat.  Take the money you would have spent on this movie and spend it at the Baltimore Zoo (or the National Zoo — shout out to my hometown haunt!) instead.  You’ll get more out of it, and the money will go to a good cause.  No, not the animals, though that’s good too.  But if you choose to spend your money at a real Zoo instead of on this dreck, there’ll be no chance of a Zookeeper sequel.

Five lifelong friends and their families, teen angst, human frailty, sacrifice & togetherness, occasional passing of gas by Grand Ma, and even the coolest multi-guy method to ogle women without them noticing (shift…shift…shift!) – Grown Ups, opening this weekend in multiplexes, has something for the entire family, from 8 to 80. Mom’s, Dad’s, teens, pre-teens, 20’s, 30’s and even a wee 6 year old can embrace and enjoy this film. Leave it to Adam Sandler (who co-wrote and co-produced the film) to release such a wildly funny and empathetic series of characters that reflect our times, our harried lives, our offspring and even our inner child.

The film opens in 1978 (and looks every bit of it. Hats off to the films’ production designer, the 70’s look and feel is incredibly vivid and remarkably accurate down to their clothing). Five friends seal the win of the big championship basketball game and are lauded by their coach for delivering what becomes the only championship during his 30 year tenure as faculty in the small town. When their coach passes away, the town plans a remembrance over the 4th of July holiday weekend which brings the all-star team back to town. Lenny (Adam Sandler – Anger Management), Kurt (Chris Rock – New Jack City), Eric (Kevin James – TV’s King Of Queens), Rob (Rob Schneider – Deuce Bigalow), and Marcus (David Spade – Tommy Boy), who are now 40 plus, return with families and complications of their own in tow.

The heart of this film is its’ concept of family and the barrage of one-liners and pithy comebacks. Even after 30 years apart, when the team regroups, they launch into a consistent onslaught of insults and ball busting. The insult concept becomes so pervasive that it doesn’t seem at all odd when the wives begin to exhibit the same behavior. Their respective families are each a story within themselves. From Rob’s twisted mating tastes in women who are 20-30 years his senior, to Eric’s emasculated behavior with his wife due to his son’s breast feeding reliance at the age of 4, these families are dealing with some pretty atypical issues. At times you think about how unrealistic these families are, but the laughs and method in which they deal with their problems consume your interest all the same.

The film overall is an enjoyable ride with consistent laughs throughout, you will not be disappointed by the humor factor. It has the added bonus of bringing together a host of Saturday Night Live alumni whose careers have been all but extinct. Tim Meadows, Colin Quinn, Maya Rudolph and others join this hysterical cast to keep the laughter and family camaraderie going. I take issue with the constant usage of David salmSpade as the aging ‘thinks he’s super cool’ loner. It seems every role he portrays, both on film and television, have him typecast in this manner. I also found myself asking why Sandler’s character Lenny who hails from the New England region, seems to be either the most educated man in the region, or one of the area’s most avid sports fans. As the weekend plays out, his clothing becomes advertising for practically every school and team in the area; Boston Red Sox, Harvard University, University of Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Vermont Hockey, University of Connecticut and so on. His wife Roxanne (Salma Hayek – From Dusk Til Dawn) is a world famous fashion designer on her way to Milan before getting derailed into the New England area. She seems awkwardly out of place in this backwoods vacation and her sudden turn as a concerned and doting mother are one of the areas that stretches believability. She and her husband are both multi-millionaires that travel with a nanny for their children. When the opportunity presents itself to be real-world parents they transform from spoiled rich to having the attitudes and concerns of a middle-class family. Don’t look to deep into the makeup of these families and you’ll walk away from this film in stitches it’s got something for the whole family.

“Grown Ups” is rated PG-13 for crude material including suggestive references, language, and some male rear nudity.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ 

I had every intention of recapping Thursday night’s episode of NBC’s Parks and Recreation; alas, “94 Meetings” wasn’t much fun for me and so I didn’t care to write a column about how the rest of this season has been awesome. I would attribute most of Parks and Recreation’s awesome to two men, Nick Offerman and Aziz Ansari. While I’m still trying to get Mr. Offerman a woodworking program on PBS, Aziz Ansari can be seen Sunday June 6th hosting the nineteenth annual MTV MOVIE AWARDS. Indeed Aziz can be seen anywhere these days, from Human Giant to Funny People (Adam Sandler), Observe and Report (Seth Rogen), I Love You, Man (Jason Segal) and the soon-to-be-released Get Him to the Greek (Russell Brand). Can’t wait until June for some MTV and Aziz comedy? Enjoy.

Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. John Travolta in Hairspray. These are among some of Hollywood’s big name men to let their feminine sides shine through on screen by playing the role of women (granted, Hoffman and Williams were both men playing men playing women…)

The next star to don a dress for a film? Adam Sandler.

Sandler has signed on to star in Jack and Jill, and romantic comedy from Columbia Pictures. The actor will be doing double duty in the film, playing the roles of both Jack and Jill, as well as producing the film under his Happy Madison banner.

Filming on Jack and Jill will begin early next year, to be ready for release by Sony in 2011.

PHILIP BARRETT: Sometimes, one can expect too much out of a film. It’s not the fault of the film itself, but more on the audience and trailers. The Matrix sequels are the best, recent example of this as most were left generally disappointed. Time at this point has not been kind to either of them as most still revile them. It’ll be interesting to see if Funny People suffers from the same fate as it has a good premise and a very capable actor in Adam Sandler. This should have been a great film, and for an hour it is. However, what should have been a passing of the torch quickly turns into an exercise for one’s tolerance with dick jokes.

ERIK BUCKMAN: Besides The 40 Year Old Virgin, I’m not much of a fan of Judd Apatow’s work. Cock joke after balls joke in movies filled with characters who are either socially retarded, obsessed with chods or are infatuated with “gettin’ some.” It’s like repeatably attending high school reunions and watching your old friends revert back to their 16-year-old selves while bemoaning going bald.

That’s especially the case in Judd’s latest. Funny People is a bloated dramedy which, again, is filled with selfish and insular jerks. Instead of blaming it on PR, the blame goes squarely on Apatow for creating a movie with a runtime that is three minutes shorter than the theatrical version of Apocalypse Now (thanks Richard Roeper…for once) for no reason except to tell more wacky, wacky anal jokes. It could have been endearing. I couldn’t tell because film is stuffed with his patented dick and fart jabs made by his merry band of man-children.

If it was pity for Sandler’s character, George Simmons (who is playing Adam Sandler), that Apatow wanted, I’m wondering why he was made to be an asshole.

PHILIP: I don’t know if it’s PR or that I want to blame someone for this film not reaching it’s potential. The ingredients are there with Adam Sandler playing a sympathetic version of himself coupled with a very intriguing premise. In addition, he has long time Spielberg cinematographer Janusz Kaminski at his disposal. But The Buckman is probably right that the blame is on Apatow for stretching this film out longer than it needed to be. While the first hour is nearly flawless (dick and ball jokes aside), the second slows to a crawl and essentially pushes Seth Rogen to the side so we can focus on what ends up being a pointless trip to San Francisco so George Simmons can try to win back Leslie Mann. This needed to be sprinkled throughout the film and not cluttered toward the end of it.

BUCKMAN: The film grew tired after after the first hour and 45 minutes. Credit is given to Judd Apatow for attempting to, somewhat, step away from his shag-carpeted box but his priority of easy and boring vulgarity over substance turns Funny People into Douchey People.

PHILIP: Pretty much, and it doesn’t help that this is also where the funny leaves the film. I think now the fault isn’t so much in Apatow’s direction (which is, actually, decent) but in the plotting of his story. Again, the stuff with Laura should have come sooner. We could still end up at the same resolution and not be half as bored.

BUCKMAN: Apatow couldn’t sacrifice any of his precious blue jokes to help advance his message, which is apparently that people really and truly love celebrities.

Funny People‘s focus is too self-absorbed for viewers to enjoy without checking the time over and over.

PHILIP: And check the time a lot of them did. I’m also not sure what message Apatow wanted to convey. Did he want to remind us we need celebrities? Did he want to tell us that they have problems too? The film leans more toward telling us that being a celebrity can’t replace the real things that matter in life. Sadly this all gets muddled in the film’s third act which doesn’t exactly end on a happy note.

It’s really tough to say that Funny People is a bad film because it’s too likable. In fact, it’s a decent film that for the first hour is Apatow’s best work to date. I’m fine with getting to know the characters and relating to a good portion of them, even George Simmons. Where Funny People falters aside from wanting to tell every dick joke known to man is when it crams too much into it’s last hour. Leslie Mann’s Laura is given no time to lament over her choice of George or Clarke (Eric Bana) which makes the ultimate resolution rushed. It may not be so much that this film falters in it’s third act in that it tries to do too much with it’s last hour and a half. The jokes are funny, but honestly I couldn’t remember what I’d laughed at when I walked out.

At the end of the day, we’re left with a film that’s good, but not great. It wants to be great, and it should be given the talent and potential. Maybe time will be kinder to Funny People, but for now, it should be chalked up as a ‘what could have been.’

Philip’s Grade –

Rating: ★★★☆☆ 

Buckman’s Grade –

Rating: ★★☆☆☆ 

From the inventive mind of Judd Apatow is the latest creation, Funny People. The new dramedy centers around comedian George Simmons (Adam Sandler) who has a near death experience that, with the help of his newfound friend and comedian Ira Wright (Seth Rogen), sends him into a refreshed mindset of what things in life are really important to him. Directed and written by Apatow, the film stars the talents of Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Jonah Hill and many others.

Coming out on July 31rst in theaters nationwide, here’s the brand new restricted trailer from the folks below:

Columbia has moved Michel Gondry’s upcoming adaptation of TV’s The Green Hornet back two weeks to accommodate Denni Dugan’s comedy, Grown Ups. Green Hornet will be moving from June 25, 2010 to July 9, 2010 while Grown Ups moves from March 12th to a spiffy new June 15th date.
Columbia is hoping to rake in some cash before the third entry in the tween vampire series, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, drops in to swoon suburban goth girls.
The Green Hornet stars Seth Rogen as newspaper publisher Britt Reid. When not working to save his daily from the evil of the economy, he puts on a green mask and saves damsels.

Fuzzy face.

Dugan’s Grown Ups stars the fabo cast of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider and the lovely Ms. Salma Hayek. The story is about five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on a Fourth of July weekend.

Dugan has also directed Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore.

Thanks to ERC via /Film