How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?

Are you one of those romantics who buys into it wholeheartedly, anticipating the day so you can lavish your loved one with affection and attention? Maybe you  just enjoy getting caught-up in the kitsch of candy hearts, roses and chocolates? Or are you one of the others, who thinks the holiday is a cheap and shameless ploy by the card companies to cash-in on romantic feeling? Maybe it’s all a scam by couples to make single people feel like crap? Have I hit one of your buttons yet?

Well, if you aren’t in the camp you enjoys the kitsch or wholeheartedly buys into the ethos of the holiday, then you should stay far, far away from Garry Marshall’s Valentine’s Day. It has been created with a singular, shallow purpose; cash in on the moonstruck miasma already associated with the day.

In fact, I can’t even guarantee that if you like the holiday, you will enjoy the movie. There isn’t a worthwhile character or thoughtful sentiment in the entire thing. Marshall has produced by-the-numbers claptrap before, but this is his epic of empty feeling. A mammoth herd of stars show up and tromp through several vignettes following a variety of people living through February 14th from start to finish.

I was reminded of Richard Curtis’ Love Actually, where a formidable and lively cast portrayed characters living and loving their way through  Christmas.  This movie has little of that one’s charm, and none of its substance and wit. Curtis may have packed his picture full of twee sentiment, but he had the courage of his convictions. The only conviction that V-Day has is the unfortunate belief that a well-placed pop song will cure any flat or tedious scene. There’s alot of music here as a result.

Are there any highlights? Well, if you enjoy seeing actors you recognize playing themselves and vindicating all those cheesy romantic feelings you have always had about the magic of Valentine’s Day, then maybe. Otherwise, there are snippets of humor and flashes of feeling, but they are buried underneath the grueling script which feels more like an airline schedule than a plot, making sure each thread is taking off and landing on time.

Among the cast, I found Jennifer Garner to be the most appealing and likable performer. She’s playing a woman named Julia who is circling potential romantic entanglement with her best bud, Reed, who also happens to run a florist shop on V-Day (how cute). There’s not enough here for her to do anything significant with the character, but she has the energy and the sweetness necessary to make something like this work. Maybe if the film had focused solely on her and Kutcher’s Reed it would have stood a better chance. Instead it throws us Julia Roberts, Hector Elizando, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel, Topher Grace, Patrick Dempsey, Taylor Lautner, Anne Hathaway, Kathy Bates, George Lopez and Queen Latifah. I could have done without the lot of them. Well, ok, we can keep Latifah. She’s also one of the few bright spots.

Valentine’s Day is a movie without a single surprise. If you watch the trailer right now, you will understand everything that wants to be said, and what will happen to all of the characters. You will also know if it’s a movie you will like. If you find yourself rolling your eyes, you’re better off sitting this V-Day out.

Rating: ★½☆☆☆ 

What would it be like in a world where nobody could ever tell a lie? This is the question that is answered to its fullest extent in the newest Ricky Gervais comedy The Invention of Lying. What at first was an original and fresh humorous piece falls flat quickly when the story continues. No matter how many cameos you squeeze in, no matter how quick your comedic timing is, stringing out one punchline for this hour and forty minute feature is its ultimate downfall.

Ricky Gervais plays Mark, an average man who’s completely down on his luck – whether getting the girl, holding onto his job or his apartment – until he tells: the world’s first lie. After he realizes the implications, he uses lying to his advantage in a totally truth-filled environment, with strange consequences. The film felt longer than it actually was with its poor pacing, making you feel like you’re in a two-and-a-half hour movie. The constant spew of truth seeping out of everyone’s mouths in this world becomes flat-out rude, to the point that whenever Mark tells a lie it’s a breath of fresh air.

Gervais has the skills to hold up any movie with his own style of acting, and this one is no exception. The lack of chemistry between his character Mark and Anna, played by Jennifer Garner, does not help him at all. Garner walks through the film like a de-tuned piano, one key hits after another and every one is off. Rob Lowe is one of the very few saving graces of the film, completely playing up the boorish competition who not only goes after Mark’s job but his girl too. The rest of the supporting cast is nothing special. The more entertaining parts consist of cameo appearances, and there are a few of them.

Gervais and Matthew Robinson work double duty on this film as scriptwriters and directors. Though they made an obvious effort of trying to just tell a simple story they decided to do it in what seems the most unimaginative way possible. The cinematography is not too special either, combining so-so production design with a recurring feeling of indecency going on in front or behind the camera.

At the end of the day what comes out of The Invention of Lying is a less-than-decent film that fails to fully strike as a competent comedy. What should possibly have stayed a single half-hour episode for some offbeat sitcom turns into a long and somewhat frustrating movie experience.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ 

Without a doubt, a woman who can handle a sword is a true woman in my mind. With the list put together by a buddy Ken, we really can’t do anything but look. Below is a small excerpt from my favorites.

13. Milla Jovovich

Looks:
Acting:
Swordplay:

Milla Jovovich is gorgeous. She’s been a supermodel, gracing the covers of over 100 magazines as well as earning over $10 million dollars from her modelling in 2004 alone.

She can certainly handle her sword too. She wields it threateningly and convincingly in “Messenger: Story of Joan of Arc”, “Ultraviolet” as well as in all of the “Resident Evil” series.

And her acting? Well… Did I mention that she was gorgeous?

11. Jennifer Garner

Looks:
Acting:
Swordplay:

Jennifer Garner first got everyone’s attention in “Alias”. I can’t recall if she ever used a sword in that TV series, but she made up for it in “Daredevil” and “Elektra”.

She’s held her own in some non-action movies as well, which means she’ll likely be moving away from the swordplay as she gets older. That’s a real shame for us blade fans.

9. Lucy Liu

Looks:
Acting:
Swordplay:

In some Bizarro universe, O-Ren Ishii takes down Beatrix Kiddo in “Kill Bill, Volume I” and then things start to really get interesting.

In that world, we get to see Lucy Liu hack her way through four hours of sword-fighting mayhem instead of Uma Thurman. Whaddya think, should we lobby Quentin Tarantino for a “Kill Beatrix, Volume I”? I say Lucy could pull it off.

Lucy’s acting has come a long way from her “Ally McBeal” days. She hangs tough in the other categories as well, which is why she’s near the top of this list.