“Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots” get their day on the big screen in Real Steel, a movie that transcends the one-joke premise and is instead a heartwarming, fist-pumping mechanized fairy tale of a father and son coming together amid some of the baddest technology you’ll ever wish was really available.  Not to bad for a few plastic robots from the 60s.

Okay, so Real Steel isn’t based on the old game you played with and trashed back when you were a kid, it’s actually based on the story “Steel” by the amazing and incredible Richard Matheson (I Am Legend, Hell House, Nightmare at 20,000 Feet).  But the storyline sure quacks like a toy robot: it’s sometime in the not-too-distant future, a time where boxing has ditched humans and amped up the amazeballs factor by using robots.  Big, powerful, amazing robots, that are controlled/worked by human handlers and treated like superstars.  Robotics engineers are the new cool kids on the block, and as with all types of fighting there’s the legal big-leagues, and the shady underground scene.  Cue Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman, looking scruffy but gorgeous; does the man ever look bad?), a poor schmuck whose every decision seems like the wrong one.  After hurting himself in human boxing, he’s a robot boxing promoter, but he’s been reduced to staying one step ahead of the law and his myriad of creditors.  When Charlie finds out that he’s the father of 11-year-old Max, his son from a girlfriend he only barely remembers, having to take care of a kid puts a cramp in his style.  So he makes a deal with his dead girlfriend’s sister Debra; Charlie will watch Max over the summer so Aunt Debra and Uncle Marvin can go away to Europe, then Deb and Marv will take Max off Charlie’s hands for good.  But when Max, a kid who’s already a huge robot boxing fan, gets his first taste of competition, he decides to try his hand at the sport himself, along with a robot he finds in a spare-parts dump.  If you think Charlie and Max don’t bond over this, you obviously don’t get out much.

Jackman is in rare form here, and that’s saying something.  The man could literally act his way out of a paper bag and onto the Globe Stage if he wanted to, thanks to his ability to handle just about any role, from musical lead to a certain sideburned superhero.  He can even make a craptastic movie…well, palatable from time to time.  (I’m looking at you, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.  Kate and Leopold.)  Evangeline Lily has a small but important role as Bailey Tallet, Charlie’s engineer and former love interest.  She’s not given much to do beyond solder parts and tell Charlie he’s a screwup, but as with Lost, Lily adds an openness and sincerity to her character.  The truly breathtaking performance comes from Dakota Goyo as Max, who holds his own with the A-List  actors he’s working with.  The three leads manage to rise above the Sci-Fi trappings and turn what could have easily been a quick cash-in (*coughTransformerscough*) into a film with real heart underneath all that metal.  It’s the answer to every prayer sent out by someone who has a significant other who won’t go to touchy-feely films.  It’s two treats in one; a feel-good movie with plenty of ass-kicking action.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes the date night of the season.

Ahh action.  It’s here, and in spades.  Director Shawn Levy (Night at the Museum, Date Night) knows how to mix his genres without sacrificing one for the other.  Film editor Dean Zimmerman keeps the pace quick when it needs to be, but slows things down in just the right places.  Legacy Effects handles the robot action, blending special effects with live action so well I couldn’t see an edge or warp anywhere.  Though to be honest the movie’s action sequences are so well done viewers won’t be doing much more than staring at the screen, transfixed.  I’ve gotta say that when I first heard about this movie I had my doubts.  Big, strong, fighting robots-sized doubts.  But Real Steel put those doubts to rest.  Real Steel is the movie Transformers: Dark of the Moon wishes it could have been.  That’s because Real Steel takes the time to deliver a touching father-son story along with it’s whizbang effects.  The result is a movie well worth your hard earned rivets.

Ally Darling is a slut.  At least that’s what all the women’s magazines tell her, and everyone knows those magazines are nothing but truth in pulp paper form.  So Ally goes on a mission to track down her ex-bf’s, in the hopes that one of ‘em will serve as her One True Love…so she won’t have to amp up her number and become Superslut.  I say hey, if you’re gonna be a superhero, what better way.  And what better way to spend a few hours in the multiplex right now than with this fun little confection of a movie?  Baltimore-born Anna Faris does a great job of gettin’ low for the laughs, Captain America’s Chris Evans shows that he’s more than just a stud in latex, and the laughs and love are easy.  If you think your list of chick-flick movies is longer than the average list, don’t be afraid to add this one on.  No-one will judge you for that.  At least nobody worth knowing.

Based on Karen Bosnak’s novel “20 Times a Lady”, What’s Your Number points out the disparity between the sexes when it comes to sex.  Guys bang anything that moves and that makes ‘em a stud, women run out of fingers to count with when counting conquests and they’re not marriage material.  So after her younger sister’s engagement party, Ally decides that it’s no more sex, no more conquests, no more random hooking up.  Naturally, she boinks her boss that night (a hilariously creepy Joel McHale, in a role more Talk Soup than Community).  But her lothario neighbor Colin gets roped into helping her with the promise of Ally’s help with ditching the one-night-stands he constantly brings home.  Ally’s cute, Colin’s sexy, they’re both funny…and you can figure out the rest.  Thank goodness What’s Your Number has a refreshingly light touch with the romance, focusing on laughs and the awkwardness of tracking past lovers instead of the deep meaningful connection the leads share.  The chemistry between Faris and Evans is off the charts anyway, so gilding that lily would have had the movie ending up a clunker.

This movie wouldn’t work without the supporting characters, and the casting department did it’s homework here.  Besides Joel McHale, Zachary Quinto (Star Trek) plays an indifferent granola-guy, Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker) plays now-gay Republican wannabe Tom, Reno 911’s Thomas Lennon plays gynecologist ex Barrett, and as a pièce de résistance, Andy Samberg has a cameo as Gerry Perry, the guy Ally loses her virginity to.  Seeing Faris and Samberg, two comedic actors that have no problem going anywhere for a laugh, get down and dirty is hilarous and cringeworthy.  Dave Annable (Brothers & Sisters) plays Ally’s “one that got away”, and he nails the role of a guy that is just a bit too perfect.  Cute points for casting Faris’ real-life hubby Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation) as ex “Disgusting Donald”, the guy that gets her started on her crazy adventure by being better now than he was then.

The usual chick-flick clichés run hot & heavy here, but they’re cute as all heck in the talented hands of director Mark Mylod (Entourage, the amazingly wonderful BBC rom-com series Cold Feet).  Ally and Colin meet cute, but can’t stand each other.  Ally has an amazing,  huge apartment smack-dab in the middle of Boston, something a marketing assistant would never be able to afford (though scenes with her family show that her parents are rich as hell, so there’s that.)  There are the requisite montages, the conflict after they finally realize they’re perfect for each other (and if I’m spoiling the movie for you by that tidbit this must be the very first romance you’ve ever thought about watching in your entire life), and the big chase scene at the end.  There are also lovely wedding vows, gorgeous Boston scenery, and a wacky ending that has real emotional depth.

Though What’s Your Number shows that all ends well after Ally’s ex-tracking binge, I’m not sure I’d do it myself.  Would you?

CW, Kathleen, Corinne and Wendy are the typical family, maybe even better; they’re goofy with each other, mom & dad are still sexy crazy for each other, with a closeness that you just don’t see every day.  Then tragedy strikes, and the shockwaves send young Corinne to a wild life, and then to salvation with a capital S.  But who’s salvation has she found, and how does one keep a hold of his or her faith in an oppressive society?  Higher Ground takes a look at fundamentalist Christianity and it’s growing pains, paralleling the changes in that belief system with the changes the Baby Boom generation went through.  It’s a powerful film that has at it’s center a strong willed woman of deep faith, a unicorn in today’s overbearing, male-centered church.  That Higher Ground manages to simultaneously convey Corinne’s deep respect and love for her faith and with the troubling changes certain segments of the Protestant religion has undergone in the past several decades is a stunning achievement, especially for first-time director Vera Farmiga.

Based on Carolyn S. Briggs’ memoir, This Dark World: A Memoir of Salvation Found and Lost (which has now been re-printed under the title Higher Ground), Higher Ground follows Corinne (Vera Farmiga; Up in the Air) from a young girl who sees going to church as just something to do, to a rebellious teen pregnant and hurriedly married and then to a woman who has put all her trust and hope in God.  But as the decades change, the groovy veggie hippies for Christ she joined as a teenager slowly become more dogmatic.  Adding to her troubles is a husband (played by Joshua Leonard of The Blair Witch Project) who sees no problem with the way their church has changed, and a sister and mother who have shed their earlier beliefs.  The film takes these characters from the personal, sexual and spiritual freedom of the 1960s, all Jesus Christ Superstar and tofu patties, to the close-minded demagoguery of 1980s “spirituality”.  As Corinne passes through the years, she must make a decision to stay with her faith, or to find her own way to be in the world.  ”Lord, it’s either inside with you, or outside with the dogs”, one church member says early on, a softly worded threat that anyone doing, saying or feeling anything different from those of the church would burn in H-E-double-hockey-sticks.  With all that fear of damnation thundering on a person 24-7, is it any wonder so many fundamentalists are batshit?

The character of Corinne is a refreshing change from all the half-crazed Bible-Belters that have become cliché over the years.  Here is a woman with strong beliefs that is also open minded and loving.  In my mind every single hyper-judgemental fundamentalist should be tied down and forced to watch this movie, if only to show them how they should really be living.  Then again they probably wouldn’t get it.  Farmiga pulls off the double duty of director/lead actress admirably, giving a nuanced performance that may well be overlooked by the Academy for it’s low-key style.  Which would be a shame, but we all know the Academy loves histrionics.  Dagmara Dominczyk (Kinsey) plays Corinne’s best friend Annika, a woman who sees God in everything, even in the drawings she makes of her husband’s penis.  “Christ-like sex!”, she exclaims, as the women collapse into giggles.  Meanwhile, Joshua Leonard as Corinne’s husband Ethan is sort of the Everyman of the Fundamentalist movement, and how he goes from a pot-smoking hippie to a crunchy believer to a flat-out shunning “Christian” is probably scarier than anything the horror genre will whip out at moviegoers this year.  It’s a sneaky, moment-by-moment change, and to see him become someone entirely different through Corinne’s eyes is heartbreaking and horrifying.

Higher Ground takes a look at many of the problems destructively fundamentalist movements have; blatant sexism, brainwashing, clannish/cultish behavior, and shows you how they’re used to keep the flock in line.  It seems all are not equal in His sight.  Have a gift of preaching?  Well, if you’re a woman that’s out.  (I hope nobody’s told Joyce Meyer.)  Wanna read Lord of the Flies?  Fuggetaboutit.  Piece by piece we see the negativity of their fundamentalism, a stark contrast to Corinne’s all-accepting faith.  She is a segment of the population that goes unnoticed; the open, accepting person of any faith.  Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the judgemental self-righteous saved of any religious denomination makes better press, right?  Absolutely.

Corinne’s struggles to reclaim the faith she feels she’s lost leads her to therapy (faith-based of course), crushing on the hot mailman, and finally acceptance.  Her faith is a part of who she is, not the sum of everything she is.  That’s gotta be a difficult message for any extremist to swallow, but it makes for amazing filmmaking for those open to it’s message.  Higher Ground is a lot like Corinne’s faith, a quiet thing that is no less powerful for the lack of bells and whistles.

Sometimes hitting the multiplex just isn’t in the cards. That’s when cable, the web and streaming step in to provide an instant movie fix. But how to separate the wheat from the chaff? I’m happy to help; every week I’ll pick a flick and see if it’s worth your time. This week it’s the documentary “Forks Over Knives”.

The Story: This documentary takes a cold, hard look at how Americans eat, and how what we decide to shove into our gaping maw affects how crappy we feel. And, how if we switch things around, how the food we put into our bodies could possibly make us feel better, and reverse health problems. Wait, so Ding-Dongs and grape soda aren’t good for me?

The Good: TONS of research went into this documentary, and it’s covered in a way that keeps viewers interested. Forks Over Knives not only throws research evidence at you, it follows test subjects in a personal way. Forks Over Knives introduces you to many different men and women who for one reason or another have been in studies or have found these doctors as a last-gasp effort to be more healthy. These people tell you in their own words how their lives and/or bodies have changed by switching to a plant based (or, in some instances, “plant strong”) diet, and not a one of ‘em sounds like a cult member. Dr. Campbell of Cornell University and Dr. Esselstyn of the Cleveland Clinic — the doctors that lead the way in this research — are personable, and incredibly hands-on, and the movie follows them through their careers to show how these docs came up with their ideas.  The director himself gets in on the diet-switch, and we get to see him and his bloodwork before and after his very own guinea pig-dom; think of this movie as Un-Super Size Me.  By the way, fellas, wanna know how to ditch Viagra and still be a hit with the lay-deez? Forks Over Knives’ll show you exactly how and why what you eat can affect how you get your groove on. And who knew badass Ultimate Figher Mac Danzig was a vegan?

The Bad: Though this is a very interesting documentary that has so much information on how a whole plant-based diet helps you live a healthier life, at times it seems a bit heavy handed. There’s no middle ground here; you live an oil-free, vegan way of life, or you’re doomed to a life less healthy. And I like my EVOO and Miracle Whip (yeah, I’m one of those people) too much to give ‘em up. Then again, any all-or-nothing message repeated over and over again in the course of an hour and half starts to feel a bit oppressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah; of course they’re right. Anyone who doesn’t think eating healthier would be better for them is an idiot. But we’re all a bunch of lazy putzes who would rather eat a handful of Cheetos than grapes, so I have a feeling this is a documentary that will mostly be preaching to the converted instead of those who need saving.

The Everything Else: There’s a cute animated segment in the beginning of the documentary that shows viewers how animals are pleasure seekers, thanks to the roaming of an adorably drawn great white shark. Next Shark Week I’ll be picturing them all in Hawaiian shirts & sunglasses. The pieces of old footage from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s showing how we were taught how to eat are adorably retro now, especially so after all the information this documentary throws down.

Here’s the breakdown:
Would I watch it again?: Absolutely! In fact, in light of what I had for lunch, I probably should watch it again right now.
Should you see it?: Everyone should see this film. Period.  Force yourself if you have to.  Whether or not it’s all true, it makes you re-evaluate your choices and asks you to live a better life. Not too shabby.
Netflix average rating: 4 ½ Stars
My rating: 5 Stars

Zombies are the big thing nowadays.  But what if the world went out with a whimper instead of a bang?  What if it went out with a cough?  It may not have the cool kids cachet of the stumbling dead, but Contagion‘s well thought out scientific underpinnings make it a compelling thriller for the brainy set, those who are aching for a different kind of action movie, or anyone who has a love affair with medical procedural shows.

As the film starts, you hear a cough.  Then another, and another.  Beth Emhoff, a businesswoman who is returning home to the States from a trip to Hong Kong, isn’t looking so good.  That’s pretty damn serious, considering she’s played by Gwyneth Paltrow, a woman that would look good after a 3-day cheesecake and whiskey bender.  Anyone who has seen the trailer for this film knows that Beth isn’t recovering from this business trip bug, and quickly other people come down with the illness.  Before long, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and the World Health Organization (WHO) are racing against time to stop the pandemic before it’s too late.

The beginning of Contagion is much like the start of Stephen King’s novel The Stand in how it shows just how easy it is to pass along a virus.  We see Beth pick up a drink, then put it down.  The busboy picks up the empty glass, he grabs onto a bus rail on his way home…and suddenly millions of people are dead or dying.  But this film plays down the horror aspect, going instead for a fast-paced thriller focused on how to find a cure while the world is falling apart.  Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Syriana) uses his skill working with an ensemble cast to show many different points of view; from CDC doctors and WHO officials to janitors and families in far-out villages, there is hardly a social demographic that is missed.  Writer Scott Z. Burns (The Bourne Ultimatum) amps up the audience’s adrenaline by crafting scenes that show how government, big business and the blogosphere all strive to come out of this smelling like a rose, regardless of the toll it takes on humanity.  Meanwhile, humanity ain’t exactly holding hands singing Kumbaya, and scenes with crowds of frightened people pushed to their limits have a frightening ring of truth.

Yes, there are themes here, but they don’t beat you about the head to get you to submit, they slide into your conscious bit by bit as the action progresses.  They’re also grounded in common sense; think for yourself, take care of yourself and those you care about, take care of the world.  It’s easy to see why H2O Africa Foundation co-founder Matt Damon signed onto this project; it’s a wake-up call cunningly disguised as an action-packed thriller.  It’s also easy to see how this film attracted it’s all-star cast, as Soderbergh’s deft touch with subject matter that shoots off in many directions at once, and Burns’ ability to craft a thriller that takes time to let you care about the folks in the thick of it, was probably catnip to these stars.  Everyone rises to the occasion, giving performances that are believable in their humanity.  Bonus points for getting Dr. Sanjay Gupta to play himself in a cameo piece.

There are problems with any movie that tries to cover such a broad scope, and Congation isn’t immune.  Although Paltrow’s character isn’t on screen — alive, anyway — for long, the connection audiences build with her after her Psycho-esque early end gets shattered by a revelation that is wholly unnecessary.  And Lawrence Fishburne’s Dr. Ellis Cheever puts himself on the line for someone, and we find out after this storyline is almost entirely played out that someone is Cheever’s wife.  But for these flaws there are many more positives.  Jude Law’s blogger Alan Krumwiede, who is trying to do the right thing but can’t seem to help being a dick about it.  Matt Damon as Beth’s husband, who will stop at nothing to keep his daughter safe.  Marion Cotillard as WHO official Dr. Leonora Orantes, a woman that gets a first-hand look at how things are going outside of the big cities.  Not everyone lives, but not everyone dies either, and that gives viewers the hope they need to keep rooting for the world to survive.

With cold and flu season hitting us right about now, I’m sure there will be quite a few people who will be a bit more careful this season after seeing this film.  Meanwhile, I picked up a bug at the screening, and can’t seem to shake this sore throat.  I’m trying not to freak out about it, but after seeing what can happen if a bug gets nasty?  I think I’ll be staying in to rest this weekend.

Helen Mirren and Jessica Chastain play a Mossad agent that has to come to terms with her actions in The Debt, John Madden’s (Shakespeare In Love, Mrs. Brown) latest piece of low-key drama. But unlike his earlier pieces that dealt with serious decisions people make in their day-to-day lives, The Debt deals with life-or-death decisions made in the hopes of settling a Debt that could never truly be repaid.

The Debt is a remake of the 2007 film of the same name, but with a star-studded cast, and probably a much higher budget. But the story is much the same; in 1997 Rachel Singer, a Mossad agent that has become famous in Israel for her part in the capture of “The Surgeon of Treblinka” in 1966 (with the help of fellow agents Stephan Gold and David Peretz) finds out that the “surgeon” is still alive. All those years ago, the three agents covered up the fact that the Nazi war criminal escaped their custody through a series of chance occurrences, and so Rachel, Stephan and David decide to give their country what it so desperately needs; a happy ending. The three come together to figure out what to do, and to come to terms with the lies they’ve told over the past several decades. But they come to discover that revenge never, ever has a happy ending.

Writers Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass, Snatch) and Jane Goldman (X-Men: First Class, The Woman in Black) keep the action and story flowing well, even though the film cuts from 1966 to 1997 and back again repeatedly. It’s a mystery that gradually unfolds, and the characters make the same mistakes no matter how many years go by. The question is, are they able to stop themselves and do what’s needed, instead of what they think should be done? Vaughn and Goldman’s writing, along with Madden’s direction and the brilliant acting by the stars of the show, keep the audience invested. What makes The Debt rise above the usual espionage thriller is the complicated love triangle between Rachel, Stephan and David, and how that plays in to their assignment, and their cover-up.

Helen Mirren, Tom Wilkinson and Ciarán Hinds play the older versions of Rachel, Stephan and David, haunted by the choices they didn’t make, and the regrets they’ve taken with them through the decades. All three give amazing performances, as you’d expect from such well regarded actors. The real eye-opener is the way the younger actors, playing the 1966 versions, handle the task. Jessica Chastain (The Help, The Tree of Life), Marton Csokas (The Lord of the Rings) and Sam Worthington (Avatar) deliver stunning performances. The three play agents so full of their own belief in what’s right that they can’t see what actually needs to be done. These actors get down and dirty in their roles, and performances like these make me want to see what more they can do if they’re given an entire dramatic movie to run with, instead of bits and pieces (or B-level movies; I’m looking at you, Clash of the Titans). It’s easy enough to just kick back and enjoy performances by Mirren, Wilkinson and Hinds; you know you’ll be getting real quality. But from young stars like Chastain, Csokas and Worthington, it’s a breath of hope for the future. Keeping your eyes on the stars of the show will rob you of another brilliant performance here from Jesper Christensen, as the “Surgeon” himself. Christensen plays Doktor Bernhardt with a quiet menace; he’s the guy that lives on your street whose creepy past would shock you because he’s such a nice guy…*now*. When he’s found out, however, his low-key heartlessness is chilling.

As the movie unspools, viewers see how the decisions those young agents have twisted their lives in ways they had never imagined when they were young and ready to take on the world. The question for these three is, in order to make things right, must you stoop to the level of the truly evil? Or do you rise above? I can’t even imagine how exhausting it must have been to be a young Mossad agent in those first few decades after World War II, but The Debt paints a pretty good picture. The moral issues in the movie keep things intriguing, and the cast pulls off the sometimes unbelievable coincidences while maintaining credibility.

Emma and Dexter are graduating from college, circa 1988. She’s hellbent on making a difference in the world, and he’s up for anything the world has to offer.  Glimpsing into the lives of these two opposites on Saint Swithin’s Day (July 15th) for the next 20 years, you get love, glory, despair, and happiness, not to mention sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. What you won’t get is a fulfilling experience.

Emma heads off to London, and immediately succeds in being a waitress at a Mexican restaurant.  Dex uses wads of the family cash to travel around, then settles in to a gig as a tv host/coke addict.  As Emma tries to pull herself up, Dex seems determined to drag himself down.  All the while they crash into each other at odd times, and we see them each year, sometimes together, sometimes far apart.  There’s chemistry between the two actors, but not enough to believably sustain a twenty years bittersweet lovefest between two characters so obviously different. It felt as if they were together simply because the script told them to be.

The best thing about One Day is the thing they don’t clue you in on during the trailer; this is not a “Happily Ever After” story, but a real look at how two people live their lives, glimpsing their success and failures and how they make the best decisions they can make for themselves at the time they’re making ‘em.  I’ll admit I was thinking this film was going to be just another “and then they realized they were in luuuuuurve” story, and I set my Brain Of Little Size to that end.  But as the movie unspools, viewers are taken off the beaten romantic path an toward a different, more honest story.  It’s a pity that One Day doesn’t do a better job of it.

The fault lies with the director, or perhaps the editor, in delivering such a choppy tale.  Emma and Dex are shown in fleeting glimpses, and the movie’s pace has a hurry-up-come-along feel that doesn’t suite the material.  If I’m going to be dragged down the street at top speed, at least give me a firm hand to hold on to.  But alas, though Anne Hathaway (The Devil Wears Prada) and Jim Sturgess (Across the Universe) give amazing performances, it’s hard to form a strong bond to these characters.  And that’s so desperately needed in a film that whizzes thorugh the same exact day for 20 years in under two hours.  As the story moves like scenery from a train window, Emma and Dex aren’t coming together, they’re pinballing through each other’s lives, and their differences stare out at you as the scenes go whizzing by.  It’s hard to see how these two maintained such a strong bond for so many years, because with the bits and pieces we’re shown it just seems like an embarrassing crush that’s gone on too long.

Director Lone Scherfig (An Education, Italian For Beginners) has done the romance thing before, and better.  And I can understand a director getting his or her hands on the original novel and thinking that it would make a terrific film.  In the 20 years Emma and Dex know each other, there’s friendship, love (for others and for each other), devastation and renewal.  What director wouldn’t love to hit all those notes?  Why Scherfig fizzles here I can’t imagine.  But it’s a shame.

As the credits rolled, I didn’t feel put through the wringer, or a spent after catharsis. I didn’t even feel like I was on a rush of endorphins. I felt hollow, and a bit cheated.  It wasn’t as if 20 years wasn’t enough, but that the minutes witnessed aren’t the ones that made their story worth telling.

Oxymoron or no, Final Destination 5 is shooting out toward you at your local theater. But is it any good? Depends on what you’re looking for.  If you’re looking for the feel-good movie of the year? Well, that’s the next theater over. You want to see a gory, gruesome body count, complete with body parts flying at you in 3D, crammed into a little over an hour and a half?  There has been nothing that comes close to this movie this year.  Right this way for bread and circus; are you not entertained? Damn right you are.

The folks crankin’ out this series have given us blood by plane, highway, roller coaster and NASCAR from hell. This time around it’s the crappiest suspension bridge ever, or maybe it’s the lousiest construction workers ever. Either way, the bridge goes kaput, along with a busload of twenty-something admin employees, off to a work “retreat”. Guess it beats those stupid teambuilding exercises (just like this premise definitely tops trying to pass off young adults as high schoolers.) But no, it was a premonition seen by office Everyman Sam Lawton, who promptly goes batshit.  In the process he saves a handful of his co-workers, including his girlfriend who just broke up with him. He’s probably rethinking that last one.

You’ve seen it all before, so why dip your toe into the pool this time around? Because you’re gonna get wet. Really, really wet. Entrails dripping off the camera lens wet. Let’s face it; nobody goes to see a Final Destination film for the character development. People go to see how the new pair of poor suckers are gonna bite it. Death doesn’t come to collect by letting you die peacefully in your sleep. Nuh-uh. Death creates elaborate Rube-Goldberg-esque machinations that keep viewers guessing as to what exactly is gonna be the big send-off. Think of the breakfast machine in beginning of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but more on the DL and 100% bent on your bloody, disgusting demise. Plus, with the Final Destination films, there’s always a twist to the way Death comes a’callin’. The twist with this latest installment of the series? If you take a life, you get the years that person would have had, and Death gives you a pass on the whole getting cheated thing.

The popularity of the Final Destination films came as a surprise at first. After all, there isn’t a crazed killer in a William Shatner mask to try to outwit. The killer is Death itself, and though it gets pretty pissed when it’s cheated, there isn’t a lot of interaction. What keeps this franchise alive is the creative ways they rack up a body count. The special effects in Final Destination 5 are outstanding, with a seamless blending of live action and effects. Which is amazing not only due to the sheer amount of effects laid out in this film — gore does indeed slide down camera lenses, and spatters everywhere — but because 3D can be unforgiving to cheap, poorly done effects. Nothing takes the bloom off a half-baked effect than shooting it out to the audience so they can get a really good look at it. Awk-ward. But with Final Destination 5, it’s obvious that director Steven Quale got things right. No wonder, really; he was second unit director for Avatar, so he’s an old hand at getting the best out of this new medium. Hell, this film is worth the price of admission just to watch the beginning credits. And if the characters in the actual film are about as interesting as the font they use during the title sequence, who cares? Casting lesser known actors puts the focus right where it should be in a splatter movie; on the red stuff. With the exception of Tony Todd (Candyman), David Koechner (Anchorman) and Arlen Escarpeta (We Are Marshall), you’d be hard pressed to remember seeing any of these actors in anything before this film. All the actors are game enough, from Todd’s wink-and-a-smile Coroner Bludworth to Chasty Ballesteros’ put-upon spa receptionist. Final Destination 5 also manages to deliver a few good moments of actual suspense, where the heebie-jeebies will definitely getcha.

At the end of this film there’s a montage of all the previous deaths from the first four movies, as well as a tip of the hat to the original film. As I watched Death come to collect from all those that cheated it over the years, I got to thinking; how and why do these particular individuals get the premonitions that save them? Why good ol’ Sam in this movie? Why not Dennis the boss, or slutty-cool Olivia? Is there someone or something trying to screw Death over? Now that’s a sub-plot I’d like to see in the next film. And if they make money with Final Destination 5, there will be another; Tony Todd has said there’s a possibility of two more in the series, filmed back-to-back. So you watch yours, and I’ll watch mine…and if you hear “Dust In The Wind” on your next trip? Stop, get out, and run. Because you never know.