There are certain films that can ultimately be forgiven of their faults provided they supply something else in lieu. The Crank films are a perfect example of that as is pretty much every slasher film ever made. Be it gratuitous action, some gross out comedy, or special effects one can easily forgive terrible writing and directing if there’s something that entertains (just look at the success of a certain toy movie.) Many will try to make the argument that Blood: The Last Vampire functions well with this mindset. Many people will be very mistaken as Blood is nothing more than a cheaply made exercise that wants to cash-in on the vampire craze plaguing humanity right now.

There’s a couple of forces at work saving this picture from being a total disaster. Liam Cunningham is the only member of the cast who seems to be having any sort of fun. He has this demeanor the whole film where he doesn’t take his role too seriously and just seems laid back. His character Michael is the tied and true boss who’s overprotective of the lead and Cunningham doesn’t try to add anything different. He doesn’t need to, as he sleepwalks through it and succeeds at entertaining. Colin Salmon lends a hand by doing what he does best in taking his roles far too seriously. Salmon has some swagger though that makes his super serious tone enjoyable. He’s briefly here, but does provide some solid entertainment while he’s on screen. The final thing making this picture not totally suck are two decent kills that occur during an alley fight midway through the film.

Unfortunately those two kills are not enough to save a poorly shot, choreographed, and edited fight sequence that’s just the tip of this film’s problems. At least twice, the fight sequence copy and paste’s shots right out of 300 to where Zack Snyder should sue. Joining him should be James Cameron as this film heavily borrows scenes and most of it’s plot from The Terminator. True, it’s tough to be original these days but this movie doesn’t even try. No one’s going to expect an award winning script from a film titled Blood: The Last Vampire but was it too much to ask that the movie provided at least a decent story? It’s the action though that should sell a film like this and outside of it’s opening, fails to deliver anything exciting or riveting. Wire-fu is in full boredom, as is some of the most laughable CG ever put on film. It’s embarrassing how terrible the effects in this film are. One character goes into full demon mode and it looks like something Star Wars obsessed film students would attempt. Matters aren’t helped when said demon leaps from building to building in poorly edited fashion.

Much like the editing, script, action, and especially the effects, the acting is pure, unaltered crap. Again, this isn’t the film for great acting but most of the actors are set to one emotion. Jun Ji-hyun plays Saya, the heroine of this story and she’s what can be found at every Cruxshadows concert. She broods and delivers hard-boiled dialogue like a pre-schooler who’s just watched The Naked City for the first time. She’s gangbusters compared to Allison Miller who makes a nice case to be worst actress of the year. She’s given nothing to do but cry most of the film and she comes off as confused when the movie tries to give her something else to do. It’s a miracle to learn she’s acted before seeing as how she’s worse than amateur here. Koyuki portrays the villain Omnigen and her death can’t come soon enough. She overdoes all of her lines and unfortunately isn’t mute like she was in The Last Samurai. She’s a fine actress, but this is below her and she knows it.

Perhaps it’s not surprise the film is directed by Chris Nahon who’s only other notable credit is Kiss of the Dragon. Like that film, he’s terrible at handling the character building scenes and relies on the mediocre action to carry the movie. While he’s not to fault for the terrible dialogue or ripoff story, he should be shunned for not trying to make it work. There’s no interesting visual style, in fact the film is “set” in the 1970s but the movie but one wouldn’t notice if the film didn’t tell you. He just doesn’t do anything with it and basically just points and shoots, giving the film horrid shot composition and fumbles the pacing. Nohan over-edits the action and uses slow-mo poorly during the action, trying to be “awesome”. He’s the furthest thing from it, and the film ultimately fails on it’s goal.

Blood: The Last Vampire should appeal to a small group and those folks will be happy with it. I didn’t go into this picture expecting to hate it and wanted a good action picture. Instead the picture gives an uninspired take on the vampire genre that’s too derivative from other, better films to be considered any good. It plays with these ideas but doesn’t do anything with them, opting to blatantly rip them off rather than give it’s own take. The acting is terrible from everyone involved, and the action and effects aren’t even worth a look. If anime films are the next wave, let’s hope the oncoming films are more thoughtful, slicker, and have someone with a vision behind them.

Rating: ★½☆☆☆