Main Feature (1H 49M 6S)

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines had the unenviable task of following two of the most successful and critically acclaimed Sci-Fi films of all time. Regardless of what this had to offer it was on to a beating from the point of its conception. This is a special effects playground and was always destined for a Blu-ray release but there’s no doubt in my mind this has been timed to cash in on the expectations surrounding Terminator Salvation.

If you’ve already seen this film, and most of you will have, you’ll know that this completely fails to live up to the standards set in the first and second films in the series. For those who have somehow managed to avoid watching this film I will do my best to explain the many problems I have with this failed attempt at progressing the franchise.

The T-X, the female Terminator played by Kristanna Loken, is undeniably attractive but any idea that her inclusion is in support of the narrative rather than a cheap gimmick is thrown aside in her first few moments on screen. She increases the size of her breasts in order to seduce a police officer, or so the script would lead us to believe, and then instantly forgets that plan in favour of killing him. This indicates that the breast enlargement ability isn’t part of a cunning plan and is actually little more than pointless titillation.

The level of corniness is then increased by Katherine Brewster, played by the lovely Claire Danes, with the line “I hate machines” as she struggles to use a hand-held item scanner. The father of this Bride-to-be then informs us in a phone conversation that he has complete confidence in her and states that she has always done the right thing in her life. I can’t speak for anyone who reads this but I certainly don’t appreciate being dragged through a story by the hand as though I’m incapable of working through the narrative on my own. The corny moments come thick and fast and it really is quite painful to watch. A homosexual stripper tells a naked Arnie to “talk to the hand” who then takes this direction literally. This pales in comparison to Arnie delivering one of the most ridiculous lines in cinematic history, “she’ll be back”, and no writer wants to admit this but words fail me.

The chemistry between John Connor, played by Nick Stahl, and Katherine left a lot to be desired but this wasn’t helped by lines such as “you’re not exactly my type” which left me wondering if John Connor had something against beautiful girls. While I’m on the subject, here’s a helpful tip to any guys reading this, telling a girl “you remind me of my mother” won’t exactly melt their hearts or help in the underwear removal department.

It’s strange to sit through an entire film which failed to impress only to realise that the last few moments are actually pretty good. The moment John Connor announces he is in charge signals his transition from emo layabout to leader of men and this reminded me of how excited I am about Christian Bale stepping into the character for Terminator Salvation. I shouldn’t be glad when a film finishes but, being a huge fan of The Terminator and its sequel, I can only describe this attempt as an unfortunate mess.

Extras

Two Commentaries (Each 1H 49M 6S) – The first by Director Jonathan Mostow, Arnold Swarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes and Kristanna Loken. The second by Director Jonathan Mostow on his own. On paper the first commentary looks very impressive as it features the Director plus all the main cast but in reality each commentary was recorded separately and it’s a shame you don’t get to hear them interacting. The second commentary has Mostow ever so slightly blowing his own trumpet, when he has little reason to, with lines such as “I found myself being challenged and excited…to essentially reinvent, reinvigorate, and revitalize” the Terminator story.

Terminator Vision: Picture in Picture Experience (1H 49M 6S) – This is pretty self explanatory but it’s the entire feature and on occasion a box will pop up and someone involved in the films creation will offer a retrospective view. I found myself constantly frustrated with statements from the Director, Jonathan Mostow, about how great he thinks his creation is and as he claims to be a fan of the original films I wonder if he’s actually watched this since he stopped filming.

Documentary (13M 2S) – Other than a couple of minutes on special effects and stunt-work this is filled with the cast and crew stating the obvious when it comes to the film’s story making this pretty pointless.

Storyboards (3M 55S) – This feature, as with similar Storyboard extras for other films, is nowhere near as interesting as the producers seem to believe.

Dressed to Kill (2M 11S) – This is about as short as “behind the scenes” extras get and there’s really not much on offer here, they talk about a few costumes, nothing exciting, the end.

Toys in Action (7M 4S) – This is an interesting documentary on the T3 action figures in which Todd McFarlane, comic-book maestro and founder of McFarlane Toys, talks us through the creation process.

Sgt. Candy Deleted Scene (1M 51S) – This explains how the T-101 came to have its appearance and while I understand why this silly scene was cut it is quite interesting and pretty funny.

Terminal Flaws: Gag Reel (3M 2S) – Actors messing up slightly and giggling. You know the drill.

Making of the Videogame (8M 57S) – A documentary with actors describing how incredible the graphics are when the only thing incredible here is how outdated the graphics look in what was a less than impressive videogame.

Trailers – No explanation required. Trailers for The Da Vinci Code and Terminator Salvation.

Summary

The long wait after Terminator 2: Judgement Day ended in disappointment when this first hit the big screen and this Blu-ray edition is pretty but lacks substance. The disappointment of the main feature is repeated in lacklustre features. Todd McFarlane talking to us about toys shouldn’t be the most interesting extra on a Terminator film but for me that seven minute feature was head and shoulders above everything else on offer. Unless you feel the need to own everything related to The Terminator I would avoid this Blu-ray release. Purchase the first and second films, wait for Terminator Salvation, read the Robocop versus The Terminator comics, play the Robocop versus The Terminator videogame, but please avoid this as it may spoil your love of what is otherwise a fantastic franchise.

Rating *

In honor of Terminator Salvation, I will be taking a look back at the three Terminator films as this is a franchise I’ve known since I could crawl and love deeply. Each day we’ll bring you a review of all three films before capping it off with my full review of Terminator Salvation. Today brings us to the bastard child of the series; Terminator 3.

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES

If there had to be a Terminator 3, it should have returned Arnold as the villain and have him chase after John Connor. Already you have a great emotional conflict with John being forced to destroy what is essentially the only father he’s known. Instead, the makers of this film decided they wanted to make Arnold the good guy, have a villain partially made of liquid metal, give John Connor a tough, brash female to have boss him around, and have one human responsible for mankind’s destruction. Sound familiar? Well it should because Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is select scenes from each of the previous installments to try to make something coherent. What’s left is a film that’s as soulless as it’s main antagonist and as messy as the nitpicks at all of the time travel in this series.

The problems with this film begin at what has been a staple of the franchise in having a memorable villain. The T-X isn’t anywhere near as threatening or as engaging as the T-800 or the T-1000 were. She’s supposed to be “the most advanced prototype” but she feels like a downgrade from the T-1000 if anything. Seriously, how is throwing liquid metal over an endoskeleton an upgrade from an ALL liquid metal Terminator? The next screw-up comes in making everything the T-X says a one-liner and making her an outright parody. The first two terminators were based on fear and spoke softly. Kristanna Loken doesn’t help matters by giving one of the worst performances of the whole series and portrays a villain more concerned at giving silly lines than wanting to maim her next target. Also with this new model, Terminator’s have now learned to cum as the T-X gives an orgasmic reaction after licking a bloody bandage. These are supposed to be ROBOTS who’s purpose is to destroy all opponents, not women from the future with sick fetishes. Yes, Arnold’s T-800 acts more human as the film goes on but that plays on the theme of the film and is developed. Here we’re just told to buy that the T-X acts so incredibly human without her studying or learning human interaction. She’s a joke of an antagonist that shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath as the two that came before her.

But the downgrades don’t end there, as the movie devolves the tough, spunky John Connor from the end of T2 into a whiny, scared wuss. Life hasn’t been kind to John who only works day labor, is homeless, and constantly on the move. Nick Stahl for whatever reason decides to play John pathetically. T2 had established that John was anything but a wuss and was an independent figure who was already learning his way. This John Connor is a wimp, always whining at someone for not listening to him or when a main character doesn’t do what he wants. It’s a drastic and unbelievable change from the John Connor we came to know and way too unbelievable this is the guy who will lead us against Skynet. If anything, Claire Danes’ Kate Brewster is more “John Connor” than Stahl’s take as she’s actually kicking some form of ass in her first scenes. She might be annoying, but at least by the end she’s accepted what’s to come and opens a case of ownage on a prototype Hunter-Killer. Stahl’s Connor bitches through the whole thing even in scenes he doesn’t need to, such as the attempted suicide. When John tells Kate “you remind me of my mother” he must mean because she’s the one taking out machines and not him, much like what happened when he was just ten. Connor at this stage deserves to be strong, independent and hardened yet instead is the antithesis of that.

Arnold once again returns to the role that made him a superstar and he’s just going through the motions as what’s now the T-850. It’s not told why he’s the T-850 now and he’s never called that in the film. His one-liners which once felt so natural now feel here just to please fans and a majority of them fall flat. He plays up the more comedic elements higher than he did in the first two films and it falls unbelievably flat. “She’ll be back,” is one of the stupidest lines in the picture, followed by the T-850 literally talking to a hand after he’s instructed to by a male stripper. The character many children admired has been turned into a complete joke of what he once was, and like the T-X, acts way too human for his own good. Yes, the T-800 begins to become human toward the end of the last film but he is taught to be like that by John Connor. This “T-850″ (lame) shows up and acts like every other Arnold role the guy has played. The character has lost that charm that made him so unique in the first two films, not because he’s old, but because the filmmakers make him a caricature.

The same could be said for the film on the whole which follows Terminator 2 to a T, only without the heart. Jonathan Mostow does an admirable job directing the action scenes, but there’s nothing too original about them. The film takes scenes from T2 and alters maybe one or two details but keeps everything generally the same. Watch the truck chase in the previous flick and the one present in this movie and you’ll see they begin and end the same way. We’ve seen the Terminator wipe out cop cars with a mini gun and not kill anyone, why does it need to be rehashed? True, the last film took the basic concept of the classic original and altered a few things, but those had to do with the plot and not the action. This venture doesn’t develop the characters as well and the plot lacks the heart and deepness of the first two. The ending is the best thing about the film but feels wasted when the journey to get there is all but meaningless. I’m aware I’ve compared this a lot to the other two and to the films credit if it wasn’t a Terminator film it’d be a great sci-fi action epic but it since it carries the brand name it has to be judged as such. At the end of the day, this is a movie carrying a brand name it feels like it has no association with.

You’ll notice this hasn’t been as long winded as the other two reviews and rightfully so. After what is one of the top three sequels of all-time, Terminator 3 sunk the franchise well below the good will established by the first movie. It didn’t need to try and outdo the second but I suppose the filmmakers felt too afraid of their own ideas so they copy and pasted every action scene for this. The villain is unmemorable, there’s no character development, and it tries and fails to have the themes the first two films established. If there has to be a sequel to T2, give me T2: 3-D – Battle Across Time. Yes it’s a lot shorter, but at least it’s immersive, slightly original, and is thrilling. This film belongs right next to Alien3 and Alien Resurrection, RoboCop 2 and 3, and whatever other movie franchise has lame sequels that need to be forgotten from the canon.

Rating: ★½☆☆☆