As an outsider to the cult of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight, I confess to not understanding the draw of Bella Swan and her pasty, blood-sucking paramour.  Having not read the novels and seen only the  frustratingly bland and often risible  first installment, I was less than eager to catch-up with New Moon.

After watching it, less-than-eager seems far too naive a stance to have taken. Significantly more stilted, cloying and nondescript than its predecessor, Moon stares full-on into the flat, gray abyss of teenage gothic longing and sexual repression. I now understand the draw, but am baffled by the lack of taste with which the series handles its themes.

Last time, wobbly, vacant-eyed teen Bella got all goo-goo over even more vacant-eyed and self-absorbed (though the series want to sell it as self-possessed) Ed Cullen, part of a local vampire clan. Their chaste courtship in the first movie was the stuff that narcolepsy is made of. I’m at a loss to think of a film with a less lively couple of lovers at its center, and I’m counting that scene of the snails mating to classical music in Microcosmos.

Stewart and Pattinson, both proving acting chops in other films, simply don’t generate together the heat or conviction necessary to make anyone–save for the most easily swayed–want to follow them. Some claim that the innocence of their relationship hampers that flame. Nope, not at all. See Kiera Knightley and Matthew McFayden in Pride and Prejudice or Abbie Cornish and Ben Whishaw in the recent Bright Star to see burning passion and commitment without carnal action.

 In fact, the relationship between Bella and Ed doesn’t come off to me as innocent; instead it’s more than a little creepy. First time through, Ed says “You are like my heroin” and Bella, little more than a blank slate, fawns over him for it. He’s shifty, controlling, and even his selflessness, exemplified in this movie by sending her away from him forever because she makes his family crazy(all that warm white girl blood I guess), could be interpreted as surly indecision. We know he will be back, and that Bella will probably be waiting.

Ed wants her out of danger. Even though they are parted, whenever she finds herself in a scrape, he appears to her as an Obi Wan-esque ghostly image. When she figures out what triggers these supernatural Skype moments, she starts seeking out danger and adrenaline rush so she can dial up her brooding beau. Seriously, Bella, he dumped you. Stop trying to get his attention with idiocy.  

Left alone, it isn’t long before she’s attacked by some of the vampires from the first movie and then rescued by her American Indian bud, Jake Black, who has clearly spent the summer on the 300 diet before being reunited with Bella. I suppose its a spoiler of sorts if you live in a cave, but Jake, and the rest of his ‘clan’, are werewolves; he’s just recently discovered that special time in a boy’s life when he starts changing at will into a large CGI Alsatian. Jake takes his shirt off, Bella stares at him, and thinks “It’s been awhile since I’ve pined for a grumpy, emotionally-inaccessible monster”. Yea, that’s pretty much it. Plenty of ‘will they/won’t they’ moments, but not anything that made me care either way.

For a movie with vampires and werewolves based on a fantasy series that is overwhelmingly popular, you would expect much more to actually happen here. Even Chris Weitz’s heavily truncated last adaptation, The Golden Compass, had more going on in its passages than this tepid loaf of half-narratives and paper cut-out characters. I didn’t miss Edward, but his absence makes this film even more arbitrary than the last one.

Moon doesn’t work very hard to make us think Jake and Bella have a chance, and Bella can’t be bothered to understand his lycanthropy in the same we she accepts Ed’s vampirism. She may like washboard abs, but not as much as men the same color as the washboard. As for Edward, he goes to meet a coven of elder vampires headed up by Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen. Eventually, the whole movie has changed setting and the characters are all racing around Italy looking desperately for a plot that matters.

As I’ve said before, I’m no Twilight fan, but I take no pleasure slagging the series simply because it is popular or it happens to be the kind of story that usually sits best with 13 year old girls. The truth of it is that Moon isn’t very interesting and a lack of actual repercussions or consequences for the characters’ actions, coupled with a very simplistic and silly view of teenage obsession, renders it almost negligent as entertainment for the younger crowd.

As a heroine (not the kind Ed likes) Bella is pathetic, her taste and approach to men eerily echoing the same kind of behavior that lands real world women in abusive relationships. Wietz, nor anyone else working on the film, seems to see this, preferring instead to assume it is just a lightweight fantasy. The truth is that New Moon is far, far less than that; its training wheels for brooding angst.

movie rating:

Rating: ★½☆☆☆ 

To prove I’m not a complete grump, here’s a sequence, featuring Ed and Bella sharing an important conversation, from this summer’s upcoming ‘Eclipse’ (From what I hear, this can be found on the WalMart version):

Bluray Special Features:

*Note* Die-hard Twilighters, you may have to poke about at the various retailers for the version you want, as there seem to be several of them out there. Walmart, Barnes and Nobles and Best Buy all boast different sets with different features. I’ll leave the task of determining which is best to you.

The version I’m covering here is the one disc Bluray edition.

Although not jam-packed with all the goodies the others might have, this one disc actually has some fun stuff for fans of the series. 

There’s a quite good audio commentary with director Chris Weitz and Peter Lambert, the film’s editor, that is remarkably lively considering the film it’s attached to. Weitz seems quite happy with the movie, the shoot, and his actors. If you enjoyed the film, this is definitely worth a listen. I was more than happy to listen to these two talk over the rest of the picture.

The big extra on this disc is a six-part ‘Making Of’ documentary that covers all of the shooting, the props and costumes, some funny anecdotes involving Kristen and Rob filming some of the forest scenes, and a nice peek at the special effects work on the wolves. Gene Siskel used to be fond of saying “Is your film as interesting as a documentary of the same actors eating lunch together?” New Moon and it’s ‘making of’ feature prove perfectly what Siskel was talking about.

Pattinson and Stewart, and even Lautner all come off as funnier, more charming and energetic than their onscreen counterparts. It looks like every0ne really enjoyed making the film and it was a good time on the set. Strangely, for me, none of this translates to the final product. I was honestly a bit surprised by that.

Oh well, it’s clear that I’ve missed the boat on this one, but if this is the trip you are looking for, I’d recommend the Bluray; the forests are greener, the werewolves more ripped, and Ed pastier than you can hope for in regular old dvd. If you are the kind of fan that made it through my trouncing of the movie just to find out what’s on this disc, seeking out one of those meatier versions might be the best way to go.

And finally, a scene I was hoping to catch on this disc but isn’t anywhere to be found. Sigh!

The good news about 2009 was that it wasn’t as horrendous as some previous years. In fact, when the good films came to us, they were often truly great pieces of work sprinkled with decent efforts in between. Then of course you had those nuggets of crap that would get through the grinder and remind us that bad movies and filmmaking unfortunately still exists. It seemed for every two Hurt Lockers or Inglourious Basterds there was a Post-Grad or Year One that followed it. Or maybe this year, with all it’s great films, made the dookie stink even more than we’re used to. Instead of posting on my Twitter page ninety times a day about how much I don’t like these films, I’m going to take this opportunity to present the Ten Worst Films of 2009:

10. TAKING WOODSTOCK

Horrid, horrid, horrid doesn’t begin to describe this piece of donkey manure. When it’s not being anti-Semitic, the film pummels us with a useless plot about a completely unlikable lead while also not actually being about Woodstock itself. Ang Lee might say he was trying to be artful, but his real goal was punishing his audience for getting political about Brokeback Mountain and absolutely hating The Hulk. Congratulations sir, you’ve accomplished your revenge. The film also randomly goes into split-screen mode, for no reason other than just to do it. The trickery doesn’t serve the story, but it does serve the purpose of killing braincells.

9. POST-GRAD

Y’know what? I’m just going to go easy here and let a scene from Sin City describe how I felt after this atrocity against cinema:

8. YEAR ONE

This movie is legally retarded, even if it tries to tempt us by having Olivia Wilde in it. Michael Cera continues playing Timid Nerd and Jack Black plays Annoying Fat Guy, at least I assume those are their character names as I could care less to remember them. I’d also like to forget this pile of fly excrement that the once solid Harold Ramis bestowed upon us. It took at least three viewings of Ghostbusters to remind one self that Ramis still has some decency left in him, but this one really, really burns the soul. It also causes great worry for the upcoming Ghostbusters 3, as the screenwriters for this picture are rumored to be scripting it.

7. X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE

True, I knew going in this was going to poop the bed, and yes expectations for this where as low as you could possibly get. Then an interesting thing happened when the lights dimmed and this movie started for me. Instead of make an honest to goodness decent X-Men film, Gavin Hood made his intentions with this film clear, that he was out to achieve the impossible. Not content with renowned hack Brett Ratner making the worst X film, Hood and his team of clowns sully a franchise that was already reeling. Everyone involved with this film not named Hugh Jackman, Liev Schrieber (who sadly has two films make this list) and Ryan Reynolds needs serious jail time.

6. FAST & FURIOUS

I absolutely hate this franchise, even more than the dreaded Twilight Saga. This has to do with the fact the first film in this sorry, despicable franchise completely steals every beat from my favorite film of all-time and doesn’t even care that it’s doing so. This entry is the least offensive of all four films, and free looks at Jordana Brewster are always welcome which is what’s saving this movie from appearing higher. Regardless, it still has asinine writing, acting, and almost terrible directing. Almost terrible, because Justin Lin seems to at least be giving a modest effort. Shamefully, it won’t be going to a better, more original, less criminal franchise.

5. MISS MARCH

If you’re going to do a comedy about Playboy and the Playboy Mansion, you’d better show what made that magazine famous in the first place. Miss March fails at that, as it does to even evoke any sort of laughs out of anyone with fully functioning common sense. In fact, rumors are swirling that anyone who purchases this DVD or Blu-ray are asked if they’d like a complimentary pistol-whipping or clubbing with a baseball bat. Seventy-two percent of idiots who bought it chose pistol-whipping as it somehow makes them come to their senses about the piece of crap they’ll be injecting into their players.

4. I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER

When a fellow critic is the funniest thing in the movie theater because of the comments he’s making, you know you’re in trouble. Normally, there’s an unwritten rule of critics not making comments during a picture, but dang it if I Love You, Beth Cooper just didn’t ask to be made fun of. One wonders if the film would have been more entertaining if they showed the IMAX version of Avatar on that ginormous forehead of hers, or how many times between takes Paul Rust poked her eye out with his nose. Director/Torture Master Chris Columbus said he wanted to make a “throwback John Hughes film” only failing to realize what made those watchable.

3. ALL ABOUT STEVE

Sandra, oh Sandra. While I didn’t hate it, The Proposal wasn’t my cup of tea but I could understand the appeal of yet another romantic comedy with a suave Ryan Reynolds, so our relationship wasn’t damaged. Then came wind of the terrible accent in a film about a Baltimore Raven in The Blind Side and that’s when problems between us started. And then came this marvel of idiocy, and we were through. This movie is the epitome of everything wrong with comedy, and lets women know it’s ok to stalk a man, even if he’s on the job. Reportedly it was shelved for two years and only saw release when Bradley Cooper’s The Hangover generated good buzz. This is one side-effect that should have stayed forgotten.

2. THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON

Pass. Just, pass.

1. JENNIFER’S BODY

Forget that this film is a pure girl power movie, and forget that there were outcries it wasn’t popular because of it. This is just a piss-poorly made film that absolutely deserves to be called the worst film of 2009. This is the one that finally exposes Diablo Cody for the terrible writer that she is and while New Moon promotes domestic abuse, Cody takes it one step further and proclaims that date rape is a wonderful thing and all women should aspire for that. Add to that the horrendous dialoge the film tries to pass off as ‘chic’ coupled with the outright stupidity of almost every plot point and this is a film that doesn’t even want to redeem itself. It’s perfectly content with being the suckfest that it is as it thinks it’s the cool kid on the block. You’re not, as you’re uncompromising douche who needs to just run away from cinema as far as you can.

But wait, there’s actually a film that’s so crappy it’s actually worse than the ten films I’ve listed. It’s just recently been released, which kind of defeats the old proverb “save the best for last.” I present to you…

Does it count because it was direct-to-video? Who cares, but somehow Wrong Turn 3 managed to be decent. This…wow. I don’t think there’s any word in the human, xenomorph, or Na’vi dictionary that describe how horrendous this movie is. Action is poorly framed, the acting just doesn’t exist, and the plot rips off Die Hard just as bad as Fast and the Furious sullied Point Break. Anyone who thinks Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen or Land of the Lost is the worst experience known to man has yet to encounter this piece to terrible. Argue with me if you will about what shouldn’t and should be on here, but let’s all agree this trash needs to be taken out and burned.

And that concludes it. Hopefully none of you had to suffer as much as I did this year, and let’s hope 2010 doesn’t bring us anything nearly as horrid. As usual, tell me how wrong I am below.

As an added bonus, who can guess how many 20th Century Fox films made this list? I don’t have a vendetta against them, but they need to fire Tom Rothman and stop putting out crap year after year.

For as large and intense as the Twilight fanbase is, you’d think the makers of New Moon would have expected that viewers would be going over the movie’s details with a fine-tooth comb and done everything to ensure there were no mistakes in the film.

Or maybe they just assumed the largely female crowd of fans would be too distracted by Robert Pattinson’s smoldering gaze and Taylor Lautner’s chiseled abs to notice any discrepancies.

Either way, the makers of New Moon did seem to overlook a few details.

Moviemistakes.com, a site that catalogs errors in movies, has added a total of 17 mistakes from the new Twilight sequel.

Among the most obvious mistakes are:

- Continuity: After Bella awakes from the first nightmare, we see her Romeo and Juliet on the pillow beside her. When Charlie comes in the book is gone, but then reappears on the pillow between shots.

- The rims of the vampires’ contact lenses can be spotted occasionally during the film, especially in the Volturis’ eyes during the final scenes.

- Continuity: When Bella goes to Italy to save Edward, Alice drops Bella off . When Bella gets out of the car to ask where Edward will be, she is in front of the car door, but then the shot cuts and she is suddenly behind the door.

-Bella flies to Italy on a Virgin America plane. Virgin America only flies within certain cities in the US. The plane should have been Virgin Atlantic, which flies from the US to Europe.

Check out the complete list to see what other errors Moviemistakes.com managed to call out.

Apparently the U.S. isn’t the only country to have been stricken with New Moon fever.

While the $118 million the film brought in overseas may have not quite met the amount domestic gross of $140.7 million for its first weekend, it was still enough to make New Moon the number one film at box offices worldwide.

New Moon, which crushed the former records for best midnight screening/opening day/opening weekend in the U.S., also set opening records in both Australia and New Zealand.

The film was opened on 6,681 screens in 25 territories, earning about $17,677 per screen.

In the entirety of its theatrical run, Twilight itself took in $384 million. With a worldwide gross of $258.8 million in just its opening weekend, it looks like New Moon will easily surpass the earnings of the movie that set the stage for the vampire-human girl-werewolf love triangle to unfold.

Well, the vampires did it. After crushing the box office record for biggest draw for a midnight release, New Moon has officially broken the record for best opening day sales.

The film’s first day in theaters grossed $72.7 million at 4,024 theaters, easily passing up the amount brought in by former holder of the “best opening day” title, The Dark Knight. That film saw $67.2 million, and was released in three hundred more theaters than New Moon.

New Moon‘s opening not only beat out Dark Knight‘s record, but also trounced the opening numbers of its own predecessor. Twilight earned only $36 million in its first day, meaning that the franchise has seen a more than 100% gain with the second film of the saga.

The numbers for the flick suggest that New Moon has managed to draw in an audience far beyond its core fan base, even if that expansion includes people who only saw the movie to see what the hype’s about — or disgruntled boyfriends who were dragged to the theater by their girlfriends.

Warner Bros. Studios played off the fact that New Moon has a specific target audience, and opened The Blind Side on the same day, hoping to appeal to those wanting to hit the theater, but not interested in the vampire film. However, the Blind Side ended up only bringing in a modest $10.9 million.

Rather than fading, the Twilight phenomena seems to just continue to thrive, thanks largely to a very strong fan audience. If the interest in all things Twilight keeps on the way it is, we could very well see the release of the third installment beat the franchise’s own record yet again.

The sequel to 2008′s Twilight proves that there’s something to be said for having a strong fan base.

Despite receiving reviews that range from lukewarm to downright cold, New Moon‘s midnight release showed that a solid — and large — fan following can trump quality of movie as being the main factor in earning box office success.

New Moon‘s first midnight showing earned the film the distinction of being the highest grossing midnight run in box office history. The film was shown at 3,514 theaters, and brought in $26.3 million.

This amount surpassed previous recordholder Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince‘s midnight earnings by more than $4 million.

Last year’s release of Twilight saw $36 million in its first day, and if the midnight turnout for New Moon is any indicator, the follow up is already well on its way to trouncing the number.

According to box office observers, the biggest obstacle New Moon may face in achieving its anticipated success will be the film’s ability to appeal to audiences beyond the die-hard fans — or how successful those fans are at dragging their friends and boyfriends to the theater with them.

Looking for a wider scope than its own franchise, the next box office goal for New Moon is to break the record for best opening day. Currently, 2008′s The Dark Knight holds the record, having brought in $67.2 million in its first day.

We’ll see if vampires can beat out superheroes for first-day draw.

New Moon: Introducing Team Jacob

For fans, the Twilight saga has become a sort of sporting event pitting one team against another. Team Edward was crazed upon the release of last year’s Twilight, and while New Moon is definitely geared toward “the other team,” there is more than adequate sexual tension and angst to satisfy both.

New Moon, the second movie/book in the series, centers on what happens when Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) leaves Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) after an event with his family threatens her safety. While the character tells Bella “You will never see me again,” Edward appears frequently through out the movie as a sort of ghostly consciousness trying to keep her from harm. Of course when she makes this connection, Bella goes looking for harm in order to see him.

While on her adrenalin search Bella rekindles an old friendship with Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), the rallying cry for Team Two. She brings him bikes to fix up so she can drive fast and loose enough to see Edward. However, on the way she develops a deepening connection to her friend and team Jacob holds its collective breath. Maybe this time she will get their man.

While Edward and Bella were the driving force in the first movie his disappearance for the greater part of New Moon does not kill this sequel. Instead we are given a new brooding monster (and his family) to love.

Originally, rumors circulated that Taylor Lautner would not be returning as Jacob in the second film. The producers feared he could not bulk up enough to visually play the part of the werewolf he becomes. However, Lautner was able to put on some very pleasing muscular weight. He worked hard for the part and his dedication shows in his acting. Viewers are not only rewarded by having the same actor back in character, but also by having one who could still be younger than Bella. New Moon gives a book-perfect Jacob.

While most film series have weak second installments I found New Moon to be better than the original. However, in the end, New Moon is still the sequel to Twilight. So don’t go to the theatre expecting some great dramatic work or art house film. That is never what these movies will be, but if you are going for a few laughs and some guilty pleasure, you just might enjoy yourself.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ 

Twilight fans, get ready to swoon. You might just be able to see your favorite cast members face to face.

Summit Entertainment has announced that the cast of The Twilight Saga: New Moon will be doing a nationwide tour in November.

The tour will open with a star-studded public even on November 6th in Los Angeles. Fans will be able to attend a Q&A session with cast members, as well as getting a first-hand experience of the movie’s soundtrack with performances by several of the bands on the album.

The tour will cover 15 cities, with each stop offering fans the opportunity to participate in Twilight related activities, prize giveaways, and Q&A forums. Select stops will be treated to the soundtrack performances that the L.A. crowd will be getting.

Fans can also acquire VIP passes, and those who do so will have access to a VIP only event with cast members at their respective mall.

In order to register to be part of the activities, fans need to go to Hot Topic or Nordstrom at 8:00 AM on October 31st at participating malls. Once registered, fans will be able to come back to meet select cast members on the scheduled date and time for that location. VIP passes are given on a first-come-first-served basis.

For more information on how to obtain passes for the events, go to www.hottopic.com or www.nordstrom.com/newmoon.

The cast tour runs from November 6th to November 19th, and appearing cast members may vary from location to location based on availability.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON cast tour will visit the following mall locations:

November 6 – Hollywood & Highland Center (Los Angeles, CA) *

November 8 – Park Meadows (Denver, CO)

November 9 – Natick Collection (Boston, MA) *

November 9 –Mall Location TBD – Check hottopic.com for update (Chicago, IL) *

November 9 – Fair Oaks Mall (Washington, DC)

November 10 – Houston Galleria (Houston, TX)

November 11 – Mall of America (Minneapolis, MN) *

November 11 – Cherry Hill Mall (Philadelphia, PA) *

November 11 – Stonestown Galleria (San Francisco, CA)

November 12 – Mall of Georgia (Atlanta, GA)

November 12 – Westfield Southcenter (Seattle, WA) *

November 13 – Dadeland Mall (Miami, FL)

November 13 – Scottsdale Fashion Square (Phoenix, AZ)

November 14 – Fashion Place (Salt Lake City, UT) *

November 19 – Times Square (New York, NY)

*Denotes a performance by a band featured on THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON soundtrack.